I wish our Company logged our IMs

… publicly. Like, I’m sure that the Company has all of my IMs logged somewhere, just waiting to get rifled through by HR. But I wish we had access to these logs, because I don’t always remember to copy and paste awesome convos into e-mail drafts.

Listening to: Kaskade & Swanky Tunes ft. Lights – No One Knows Who We Are

Background: I worked on a client with Danny, who then rolled off onto another engagement with Lindsay AND Kathy, my two faves. I kept pouting about this. Danny said “well we could suggest a senior rotation where you switch off between the two, so every week you’ll at least be with one of them, and then I’ll have you for a few days. I think that would work out for you and me very well” and I said “yeah … although it shafts the two of them. I love it.”

I may have accidentally revealed a little too much about Kathy to Danny.

7:55 PM Melissa
ummm at my friend’s house HAHA
i went to philz then dinner and now here
if there were anything remotely interesting in tracy i’d drive to visit you guys
are there nice cafes?
or hikes
HAHA
7:59 PM Kathy
awww omg I was totes jk
I just think Danny would be so excited
don’t drive out here, htere is nothing
and I feel like I have already gained like 5lbs just by living in a town with no vegan restaurants
8:03 PM Melissa
LOL omg danny e-mailed me about natalie’s HH:
I miss your face
Ill go whenevs just to see you
8:05 PM Kathy
LOL
you 2
too cute
today he goes “so tell me about Melissa Tang”
and I go, well, she is an auditor?
and she works @ GT
then he said a few more things
8:06 PM Melissa
LOL “a few more things”
8:06 PM Kathy
and now I question how much you have told him
and how much he knows about me
lol
8:06 PM Melissa
LOL i may have demystified you a bit …
8:06 PM Kathy
I was just like, lol you gotta ask her yo
8:06 PM Melissa
i’m sorry
8:06 PM Kathy
lol i’m jk, I was just stuck in a car with him this am
jk
not stuck
and I was like omg that’s why you and MT get along so well
you 2, so endearing
8:10 PM Melissa
LOLLL

8:19 PM Kathy
umm did I miss something?
omg so lost
danny said he hates you
then he just said he loves you

8:11 PM Daniel
kathy is hella shady
8:12 PM Melissa
why?
HAHAHA WTF
8:12 PM Daniel
she wont give me any gossip about u
8:12 PM Melissa
kathy’s adorbs!
omg
stop talking to her about me
8:12 PM Daniel
i will not
8:12 PM Melissa
i should have not told you anything about her
forget everything i’ve ever said about her
8:12 PM Daniel
nope
8:12 PM Melissa
i have no idea who she is
kathy who?
8:14 PM Daniel
hate u
tell me gossip about her
i want one fun fact per day
so i can sneak in things in convos and see her reaction

Daniel
gimme something
please
ugh
whatever
you are shady
just like her
8:19 PM Melissa
fun fact: she likes vegetables
8:19 PM Daniel
ok
i take back everything i just said about you to the team
ur amazing
8:20 PM Melissa
eff you i know you love me

11:00 AM Melissa
fawning?
fawned*
11:00 AM Daniel
thats not in my white trash dicitonary
11:00 AM Melissa
does it make sense now
11:03 AM Daniel
no
still not in my dictionary
11:05 AM Melissa
like … marveling over!
omg
i just can’t talk to people who didn’t score above 2300 on the SAT
11:09 AM Daniel
HAHAHAHHAHAHAH
i hate that i love you so much

Four types of nights

Listening to: Heard You Were Walking in Paris (Hardwell remix) – Jay Z & Kanye West vs. Empire of the Sun vs. ESOT vs. Peace Treaty

I feel like there are generally the four types of nights you might experience as an adult

1) Exhausted, can’t do anything but basic human necessities, type of night

These are the nights where I come home from work and have absolutely no energy to do anything other than throw my backpack on the ground, collect clothes to take up to the bathroom, shower, then collapse in bed. There is still a small whisper that floats through my mind of you literally did zero physical activity besides walk to and from your car but the guilt has long since subsided. I’m fucking working, body! Learn to deal! These nights are actually not all that terrible, at least in the short-term, because I have been productive for the whole day. I have a job, I did it well (at least, well enough to not get fired), and life kept going on. Pat on the back, there. Barely skating through life.

I recognize that too many of these type of nights are not good for me in the long-run, but they aren’t horrible.

2) Just enough energy to be able to hold my head up with some self-respect type of night

These are the nights where I either actually went out with friends or I did something for myself that I typically don’t do on the aforementioned nights. These are the nights where the stars just magically align, because I really do not take the time to pre-plan very many things anymore. Obviously, the two service different purposes. In the former, I can feel relieved that yes, I am still capable of fun, social interaction and have been able to maintain at least one friendship. The others are the nights where I either go running, go to the gym, cook something, call my mom, read a book, or a combination of those. YES WORLD, take that. I had a life OUTSIDE OF WORK. I can juggle at least TWO oranges. Go me.

3) Super depressing, I have the time but no energy or passion or friends, SIGHLIFE type of night

By far the worst. I didn’t have these sort of nights until this past year. I don’t know if that means my life is sad, if I have bad memory, or if I should be grateful to have lived 23 years to have not experienced such a level of combined loneliness, laziness, and listlessness. These are the nights where I actually get off at a reasonable hour, but I didn’t make plans and the stars just did not align. Or I just don’t even feel like going out and end up watching netflix or hulu in bed and around 10pm realize that this was a terrible idea but now it is REALLY too late to ask friends out. OR I keep thinking I am ABOUT to go out, but things keep dragging out, and again, suddenly it’s 10 or 11 and now all I want to do is sleep. These nights are the worst and most mentally and emotionally exhausting because it’s a crazy cycle of I should go out, but what do I want to do? Who do I want to go out with? Should I do stuff independently? What do I REALLY want to do? What do I have time for? No should I just stay home? No I should go out. What would I do though. What have I been waiting ALL week to do? Fuck it’s 11. I guess I’ll shower.

4) My manic I WANT TO HAVE IT ALL type of nights

Maybe I unintentionally stole this idea from an episode of Girls, but this was me on Saturday night and probably what spurred this post. This is the type of night where for some reason, I just want EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE. Like, I can somehow live life having some of type #3 nights, where I have no idea what I really want, and then I can have these type #4 nights, where my mind is racing and I’m just like I WANT THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND OMFG I WANT IT ALL SIMULTANEOUSLY.

And no, I’m not on drugs when this happens.

I realized I used to have these sorts of nights ALL the time before, but then lately those nights became so few and far between that I completely forgot about them. Until Saturday night. I think what happened was a perfect combination of 1) my public client filed on Friday, leaving me with literally zero work to do, 2) it being a Saturday and I had already hung out with friends for the past nine hours so I was on my socializing high, and 3) a bunch of other stuff. All of a sudden I was just like, I KNOW THE KEYS TO HAPPINESS AND I NEED TO DO THEM ALL NOW WHILE I HAVE THE MENTAL ENERGY.

Ok, this is what I think are the factors of happiness at this general age (in no particular order except #1 is what I consider #1)

– A viable long-term goal where you can see at least one point of entry (otherwise, a goal where you see no opportunities to reach achievement is just going to bring you down)
– Love (ie. friends, family, romantic)
– A decent job (I have always thought, a decent job is either a) something that pays well enough to compensate for its shortfalls or b) flexible enough so you can pursue something you are actually passionate about. My current job is clearly option A)
– Music
– Reading (just, some type of brain stimulant)
– Health
– Time
– Money

Cut to me, Saturday night, reading a book, streaming a Hardwell set from Tomorrowland, and having about ten different streams of thoughts racing around my head all at the same time.

I haven’t had a night like that in quite a while but it was … eye-opening? and refreshing? to have one again. Eye-opening because I used to take for granted that level of natural excitement. Refreshing because for a while I felt like my emotions had become very muted, unless I were listening to a really good song.

There are a lot of good songs on my iPod. I seriously kept getting slightly annoyed when someone on my team would interrupt a song

Listening to: Come With Me (Jidax remix) – Steve Aoki (ft. Polina)

Let’s settle this

WAIT. PLAY THIS FIRST

Several people call me a hipster, which I always ADAMANTLY DENY.

I AM NOT A HIPSTER.

If anything, I’m actually way, way more yuppie.

Per http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/28-signs-youre-a-hipster/

1. You get mad when people post videos or articles about played-out trends on your Facebook wall, because people might actually think you still think things like the Harlem Shake are cool.
I HAVE NO IDEA what the Harlem Shake is! I see it all the time on FB and I have NO IDEA. I do know that there is a decent band called The Harlem Shakes but I highly doubt that has anything to do with it. In any case, lately I find out about trends via FB so doesn’t that make me non-hipster?!

2. You often find yourself resisting the overwhelming temptation to say “their older albums were better” when people ask you if you’ve heard a cool new song.
Point

3. You judge people for driving.
I LOVE MY CAR. I freaking drive twenty minutes to Palo Alto to go running.

4. When you read articles about things like gentrification, you get a little knot in your stomach because you know, on some level, it’s referring to you and your friends.
I don’t have time to read the news but I do like gentrification

5. That still isn’t going to discourage you from moving to Harlem and/or Bushwick.
I would NEVER live in New York.

6. The most exciting thing that’s happened to you in recent memory is a Trader Joe’s/Whole Foods opening up in your neighborhood, and you kind of don’t care how many row houses were evicted and demolished to put it up.
I hate Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s foods spoil too fast. But I do like gentrification.

7. Several of your friends are bartenders at hole-in-the-wall bars, and at least one of them frequently says things along the lines of “Beer is the new wine.”
Beer is beer. Wine is wine. I order beer when I don’t feel like drinking so I can let it just sit there and no one really cares. I order wine if I’m in Napa/Sonoma.

8. You know what a barista jam is, and have possibly been to one/dated someone who went to one.
No. My first thought was “edible jam? Jam made by baristas?”

9. You get pissed at your local coffee shop for not knowing what a “flat white” is.
No.

10. You have gotten so into cycling that the majority of your disposable income now goes into buying new gear for your longer rides and parts for your bike.
I hate cyclists. They are blocking the path of my car.

11. There is rarely a dinner conversation that goes by where you don’t mention the fact that your city does not have nearly enough combinations for cyclists, and how frustrated you are with the city council’s inactivity on the subject.
See above.

12. You actively choose to wear glasses that you know don’t flatter your face just because they’re big and obnoxious.
I think my glasses are an appropriate size.

13. If you’re a women, you wear crowns of flowers with your outfits as though that is somehow a thing normal human beings do.
Maybe if I were at Coachella, but no.

14. You get really into things like wine and tea even though you don’t really care about them, simply because you want to know a lot about it and be “the wine guy,” or “the tea guy.”
I love barley tea but I think that just makes me Asian.

15. You live in an awesome apartment that your parents pay for even though you have a job yourself, because using your own means to pay for it would mean downgrading.
I PAY FOR MY SHIT FUCKERS, and my room is an embarrassment I would never bring anyone home to.

16. You are a part-time DJ.
I suppose in my dreams.

17. You constantly refer to bars and restaurants as being “too pedestrian” or “too full of tourists,” even if they are not at all a tourist spot.
Not in those words.

18. You have an iPhone, yet can’t afford basic groceries.
Nope. No time to decide on a smart phone. Life is simpler without one.

19. You constantly bum cigarettes off of people while out drinking yet claim that you “don’t smoke.”
SAY NO TO DRUGS (THAT KILL)

20. You feel the need to reiterate how much you would not eat the junk food or fast food that someone else is eating while they’re eating it.
Rude. But I may do it? I don’t remember it

21. You own a pair of pastel Doc Martens.
I don’t even know what those are. And shouldn’t it be Converses?

22. You participate in Movember year-round.
I don’t know what this is. Is this all NY-hipster stuff?

23. Your profile pictures look like they were shot and art directed by Terry Richardson.
No.

24. You own at least one coffee table book with vaguely pornographic art/photographs.
I don’t even own a coffee table and if I had a coffee table book, it would be this

25. No matter what is going in life, no matter what you’re facing, you always magically have money for drugs.
Well, if I had connections, sure

26. You talk about how much you hate American Apparel, yet all your clothes look like they came from there.
My clothes are from BR, bitches

27. At least one your profile pictures is you smiling with a bunch of impoverished children in Africa/South America/Southeast Asia.
I generally vacation in areas that make me feel rich

28. You try to re-thrift your thrift shop clothes, and are rejected because they fall below Goodwill standards.
I am not stepping into a thrift store

VERDICT: NOT HIPSTER.

“Is it bad if my all-time favorite days are drug-related?” “Yes.”

Listening to:

Swedish House Mafia – Antidote (live at Bill Graham)

Swedish House Mafia – Save the World (live at Bill Graham)

I pretty much told someone that I wanted Antidote to be the first song and Save the World to be the last. Antidote was the first of the second half of the set and Save the World was pretty much the last song so … I win. HAHA

I have literally been looking forward to the SHM concert since November when I first started my busy season. It did not disappoint (although I liked Alesso’s set at Beyond Wonderland more).

Ripped from tumblr:

from soojin’s phone

from kathy’s phone

And now I’m reobsessed with this video (1min mark):

Hello world, this is me.

Listening to:
1. The XX – Try (I used to like Angels the most, then Chained and now Try. I think I will end up liking a new song off their album every other month)

2. Tegan and Sara’s new album Hearthrob (omg I think I’ve reached that point where I no longer find new music, I just listen to the new albums that old bands I first found in college. DOES THIS OFFICIALLY MAKE ME OLD?!)
Ok in order of like: 1) I Couldn’t Be Your Friend, 2) Closer (which I bet will be their first indie single, 3) I’m Not Your Hero, 4) Goodbye Goodbye, 5) Drove Me Wild

3. Morgan Page vs. Nari & Milani vs. Bingo Players – Where Did You Rattle Up? (this is my wake-up song)

4. CHVRCHES – The Mother We Share (the only song on my rotation that semi-allows me to cling onto my “indie cred”)

If I were to have a completely honest online dating profile that held nothing back and cared nothing about masking my true feelings in order to appear normal and sane it would go something like this:

Who am I? I am a 24 year old auditor who grew up in SoCal and went to Berkeley. I don’t know what else to say after that. I guess I define myself by 1) my age, 2) my job, 3) where I grew up and 4) what kind of education I have. I don’t feel like I have any particularly interesting hobbies and when I list them out I always think well who doesn’t do something similar to this or well I DO do this but I can think of about five people who do it better than me. I like to read, run, rock climb, hike, look for new music, watch tv, hang out … which primarily seem like solitary activities. Let’s not read too much into that. In all honesty, I don’t know what I do in my free time anymore because I work all the time. I spend most of my free time sitting at cafes writing e-mails to friends to stay social. I’m not sure how it’s come to be that sitting alone in a cafe with earbuds plugged deep into my ears is some form of sociable, but it is.

I think I’m normal. A very normal human being – isn’t that the basic foundation of what anyone is looking for? I won’t go crazy stalker on your ass, I have my own friends and my own life so I won’t be all clingy, and if you don’t like me I can take a hint. I have a relatively regular family – we’re not Parenthood or Full House but we’re not Arrested Development or the Sopranos. I can hold a conversation and there won’t be crazy awkward silences in between. I feel like that’s all you really need to know for a first date. That I’m not crazy and I can string together coherent, non-creepy sentences.

Who should you be? You should have a college degree and a job. Preferably a job that pays upwards of $40K because I like to eat out and go to movies and generally do shit that costs money, and I don’t have the time or creativity to think of fun, free dates. I don’t know where the $40K limit came from. As long you can relatively easily spend fun money and it isn’t just money from your parents. I don’t mind grad students but absolutely no undergraduates because I won’t be in the mood to hear about the difficulties of class scheduling or job fairs when I get home from work.

I want to go on all those nice, cute, fun, adventurous, sometimes spontaneous dates, but in the end I think I will love you most if we can just be the type of couple that will sometimes sit and watch tv together under a throw, wearing comfy clothes and fluffy socks. That is basically my image of a long-term relationship.

I don’t really care what kind of music you like because I’ve learned that what matters to me more is that you like at least a small percentage of my music.

I will judge you if you text the way I used to write notes to friends in middle school. Please use proper English. I actually kind of cringe when I see “u” instead of “you” too often. It will bother me if you really don’t know the differences between to, too, their, they’re. It will bother me if you use periods at the end of every single sentence of your texts because I will think you’re constantly in a bad mood. It will bother me if you never ever use periods to properly break up sentences, because really, how hard is it to just insert a period? I will also judge you if you do not have an e-mail address ending with your workplace name or @gmail.com.

I don’t cook at all so I can’t expect you to, although it would be nice. Other qualities that would be awesome in a significant other that I don’t possess include: outgoing, bubbly, fit, funny, independent, musically talented, well-spoken, responsible, goal-oriented, healthy. I know it’s unfair to ask for things that even I don’t possess, but we all have dreams don’t we?

Obviously, the hotter you are, the fewer of these qualities you need to have.

I enjoy traveling (although I don’t like to say that because it makes me sound more well-traveled than I actually am) so you have to have at least gone somewhere in your life and enjoy traveling. And when I say travel, I want to do adventurous things, not sit on at the beach and sleep sort of travel. And I want to eat good food.

Please text me back in a timely manner. Please ask open-ended questions to show your interest. Please occasionally take the initiative and invite me to things or ask me about my life or just send me a random message.

But don’t overtext me. There’s a fine line.

Please be free of mental illness and chronic depression and an addictive personality. I don’t think I have the emotional capacity to handle situations that call for extreme demonstrations of empathy and understanding and patience. I don’t mind if you do drugs but don’t be dependent on them.

Honestly, what I’ve learned over the past few years is that I used to want this huge list of qualities in the perfect significant other, but for me, it all boils down to: do you have enough spending money and are you capable of socializing.

Problems we will probably encounter down the road if we ever get there: I don’t want kids – I hope you don’t either. I want to live in either CA or Seattle – I hope you do too. I like having a clean house, furnished in the style of Crate & Barrel or Pottery Barn or Restoration Hardware – I hope that’s your style too. Otherwise I’m going to have to pull a Courtney Cox and only allow you a single room in the house for your weird, unconventional tastes. I apparently don’t listen to people when they talk to me, and I have a terrible memory about most things, so I hope you don’t take offense when I don’t remember something you’ve apparently told me seven different times. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m being depended on so I’d warn you not to make me feel that way. I hate feeling like I depend on others so I hope we are able to overcome those moments, which will be inevitable. Basically, if I seem like I’m withdrawing from you, be a bitch to me and I’ll come crawling back. I get severe cases of canker sores almost monthly, so I’m sorry but I won’t be kissing you or talking much for about three days until they settle down and I’ll be in a super cranky mood if you ask me to talk a lot during those three days. I don’t know why but I absolutely hate being asked the question How was your day? because if I’m going to tell you something I won’t need prompting. I need constant validation, so I hope you are ok with validating me. I’m indecisive and that may mean we walk up and down a grocery store twice and I debate for twenty minutes whether I should buy ice cream or not but hopefully that becomes more adorable than annoying.

Please just take me as I am.

I need a piggy bank

So far my attempt to save more this year has resulted in:

$1,260 in flights

$640 in concert tickets

$175 in bras

Another audit day

Listening to : Deadmau5 & David Guetta mix (basically only from 10:05 – 14:06)

Ryan: Do you know what Nathan said today? He goes to Jamie and says “mama, I just peed three way style!” and Jamie goes “what does that mean?” and he says “you know … 3 ways … like I peed in the toilet, on the wall, on the floor… 3 ways!”

Me: OMG That is why I will never have kids

Danny: If that happened to me I’d rub his face in it and be like LOOK WHAT YOU DID

Ryan: One time I was telling Nathan to go pee before going to bed and he was like “no, no I don’t want to” and I told him to just try and when I turned away he started pissing on the floor and laughing hysterically in my face

Me: OMG I can’t believe he just defiantly pees in front of you like that!

Ryan: I know! It was SO hard to yell at him though, I kept wanting to laugh so hard. That was totally the kind of thing I used to do as a kid

Me: WHAT?!

Danny: Every male at some point has blatantly defied someone and just urinated where they shouldn’t have

Me: No way

Ryan: No, I swear, EVERY male has

Me: WHAT. WHY would you do something like that?!

Ryan: Because all you have to do is a little *hand swivel motion*

Me: No. I don’t believe that. I bet Charles has never done that in his life

Ryan: I bet you he has

Me: Fine we’ll ask him when we’re back in the audit room

Me: CHARLES. HAVE YOU EVER PEED SOMEWHERE YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO?

Charles: ………………. what have you heard

Ryan: Oh my god, give him some context at least

*we give him the context*

Charles: Well … when I was young I used to pee in the air vent in my bedroom

Everyone: WHAT?!

Charles: The air vent was on my bedroom floor … and I used to get in trouble a lot so when my mom sent me to my room I would get mad at her and pee into the air vent

Me: Oh my fucking god I can’t believe you did that

Ryan: I’m telling you, we just have … these utensils … and we HAVE TO WRECK HAVOC AND DESTRUCTION with them!

Me: oh my god

Ryan: What did your mom do?!

Charles: Well they didn’t know for a long time where the smell was coming from … it would just spread through the whole house … and then one day my sister found out and she told my mom and I got in A LOT of trouble when she found out

Me: I would never ever even adopt a boy. This is disgusting

Ryan: Believe me, nothing good ever came from a penis

————————————————-

Danny: Ok we need to get some more checkmarks on the board people. We haven’t had ANY today

Me: What are you talking about?!?! I gave Ryan intangibles! I gave you capital assets!

Danny: Ok well I need to review capital assets so we can get that check marked

Me: That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem

Danny: …………………. DOES EVERYONE SEE HOW SHE JUST RUDELY SNARKS AT ME

Me: You’re right – Charles, don’t EVER say that to anyone on your future jobs

———————————————–

Me: Can we go on a coffee run?

Charles: By we, do you mean, me?

Renee: WHOA Charles is getting snippy today!

Me: Yes Charles, I meant you. And I want it now.

Renee: Are we even staying late tonight? I really want to go home earlier today

Me: I don’t care if we leave at 5pm. We’re getting coffee regardless

*Danny comes into the room*

Me: Danny, what coffee do you want? Charles is doing a coffee run

Danny: …………. Is that you asking me if we can go on a coffee run?

Me: No. We ARE going on a coffee run. I’m just asking if you want anything

—————————————-

Danny: Erik, that drink looks good what is it?
Erik: It’s a java chip frap
Danny: Charles, next time, I want that but with a dome top
Me: What the fuck do you just want a dome top because you like the look of it?
Danny: Yeah! I feel like drinks with dome tops taste better
Renee: oh my god, that’s because drinks with dome tops have whipped cream in it
Charles: Actually Danny, for some reason they couldn’t make the drink you had wanted today so I told her “it’s ok, just make something with whipped cream, a dome top, and caramel and he won’t know the difference”
Danny: It’s so true! I don’t!

——————————————

* the day we kept track of how many times we said mean things to each other*

Me: Is no one talking because no one wants to get a point and we have nothing else to say to each other?

Renee: I feel like we don’t even have real conversations anymore. We just keep trying to find the meanest thing we can say to each other

Danny: Melissa gets a point for talking shit behind Charles’ back
Me: WHAT?! I never talked shit behind your back Charles. Frankly, we don’t even think about you when you’re not in the room
Erik: That’s true
Me: We don’t even know your name. We call you “that bagel guy”

Me: I feel like I’m never mean
Charles: That’s because you always say you’re just “being honest”

————————————————–

*after Danny got hit by a door and was lying on the ground for a minute*

Erik, Renee and Me: ………… um ………. are you ok? *stands up to look for Danny*

Danny: Oh my god … I can’t move … I’m going to die

Erik: You’re going to die in those ugly shoes?

Danny: What do you mean ugly!? They’re UGGS!

Erik: That’s short for ugly!

—————————————————–