I wish our Company logged our IMs

… publicly. Like, I’m sure that the Company has all of my IMs logged somewhere, just waiting to get rifled through by HR. But I wish we had access to these logs, because I don’t always remember to copy and paste awesome convos into e-mail drafts.

Listening to: Kaskade & Swanky Tunes ft. Lights – No One Knows Who We Are

Background: I worked on a client with Danny, who then rolled off onto another engagement with Lindsay AND Kathy, my two faves. I kept pouting about this. Danny said “well we could suggest a senior rotation where you switch off between the two, so every week you’ll at least be with one of them, and then I’ll have you for a few days. I think that would work out for you and me very well” and I said “yeah … although it shafts the two of them. I love it.”

I may have accidentally revealed a little too much about Kathy to Danny.

7:55 PM Melissa
ummm at my friend’s house HAHA
i went to philz then dinner and now here
if there were anything remotely interesting in tracy i’d drive to visit you guys
are there nice cafes?
or hikes
7:59 PM Kathy
awww omg I was totes jk
I just think Danny would be so excited
don’t drive out here, htere is nothing
and I feel like I have already gained like 5lbs just by living in a town with no vegan restaurants
8:03 PM Melissa
LOL omg danny e-mailed me about natalie’s HH:
I miss your face
Ill go whenevs just to see you
8:05 PM Kathy
you 2
too cute
today he goes “so tell me about Melissa Tang”
and I go, well, she is an auditor?
and she works @ GT
then he said a few more things
8:06 PM Melissa
LOL “a few more things”
8:06 PM Kathy
and now I question how much you have told him
and how much he knows about me
8:06 PM Melissa
LOL i may have demystified you a bit …
8:06 PM Kathy
I was just like, lol you gotta ask her yo
8:06 PM Melissa
i’m sorry
8:06 PM Kathy
lol i’m jk, I was just stuck in a car with him this am
not stuck
and I was like omg that’s why you and MT get along so well
you 2, so endearing
8:10 PM Melissa

8:19 PM Kathy
umm did I miss something?
omg so lost
danny said he hates you
then he just said he loves you

8:11 PM Daniel
kathy is hella shady
8:12 PM Melissa
8:12 PM Daniel
she wont give me any gossip about u
8:12 PM Melissa
kathy’s adorbs!
stop talking to her about me
8:12 PM Daniel
i will not
8:12 PM Melissa
i should have not told you anything about her
forget everything i’ve ever said about her
8:12 PM Daniel
8:12 PM Melissa
i have no idea who she is
kathy who?
8:14 PM Daniel
hate u
tell me gossip about her
i want one fun fact per day
so i can sneak in things in convos and see her reaction

gimme something
you are shady
just like her
8:19 PM Melissa
fun fact: she likes vegetables
8:19 PM Daniel
i take back everything i just said about you to the team
ur amazing
8:20 PM Melissa
eff you i know you love me

11:00 AM Melissa
11:00 AM Daniel
thats not in my white trash dicitonary
11:00 AM Melissa
does it make sense now
11:03 AM Daniel
still not in my dictionary
11:05 AM Melissa
like … marveling over!
i just can’t talk to people who didn’t score above 2300 on the SAT
11:09 AM Daniel
i hate that i love you so much


Week in quotes: sad work week edition


I caused Danny to get yelled at by the client. My interpretation of the series of events that unfolded is that: the client told us to do something immediately even though the client blew their deadline in giving it to us. They then stopped us from working on it. Thursday afternoon they give us the go ahead. I decided to bust it out and ask my questions by Friday afternoon. We get yelled at because they didn’t expect questions until after Christmas. Fucking fantastic.

5:03 PM Another Manager merry xmas again..
are going home for xmas?
5:04 PMTang, Melissa yeahh
flight got delayed
so i can do more work.
5:04 PM Another Manager waah!! you’re addicted to work!
5:07 PMTang, Melissa i have nothing in my life
when i don’t want to work
i realize i don’t hae anything to do
it’s been a very depressing week
5:09 PM Another Manager hahaha… that’s just a phase in your life.. im sure you will get through it..
5:09 PMTang, Melissa yeah HAHA
5:09 PM Another Manager you have your family and have a lot of friends..
but its probably time to find the “special someone” hahaha..
5:09 PMTang, Melissa maybe i’ll buy a cat to love me
5:09 PM Another Manager oh noh!!!
you are too young to be a lady with a cat.. hahaha


I don’t remember any. I spent my night with two cats who love me very much.


Listening to: Baggi Begovic ft. PHATT – Chasing the Sun

I don’t even know what the fuck to say about Wednesday. I had gone to bed at 3am on Tuesday and woke up at 7am on Wednesday. I was supposed to take Amy and her husband to the airport around 10:30 so I just sent an e-mail to Danny “By the way, I’m not coming into the office until 11am. SORRY. Forgot to tell you, have to take Amy to the airport.” He responds “Whatevs”

So this is how my day plays out

7 – 9:45am – Write two performance reviews
9:45 – 111am – Go to Amy’s and airport
11am – Arrive in SJ office. Open my e-mail and see that I have been told to “drop everything and focus on goodwill testing.” Senior manager comes over and we talk until like 12:30
12:30 – 2pm – One of the partners I work with takes me to Scott’s for lunch. I think the general purpose of the lunch was to sell me on staying by bringing up secondment opportunities and where I would like to travel. I have to admit it does somewhat work because now I am more confused about how I feel about this job
2pm – 2:45 – Meeting about what our game plan for goodwill is. Basically it’s “DO EVERYTHING WITHIN 2.5 DAYS even though the client was 3 weeks past deadline.”
2:45 – 3:50 – Phone call with other manager about other team about review notes and open items on that engagement.
3:50 – 4:50 – Lindsay and I have our coffee date, which usually happens in the morning on the few occasions we are in the office together, but it was postponed till the afternoon since we both came in late. I finally finish my muffin and we go back to the office
4:55 – I get back to the office and read my e-mails and find out that the client has told us not to work on goodwill anymore. So all that time spent talking about it – WASTED. Whatevs. At least I don’t have to do it anymore for the next two days.
4:50 – 5:40 – Where I realize that I completely forgot about a risk assessment call I was scheduled for, but thankfully made it back to the office in time
5:45 – 6:15 – Another status call. Afterwards I essentially tell Danny “should I be working on these tonight?” and he goes “no. you need to stop sending me things at 3am” and I go “ok. I think I’m going to go home”

So then I walk back to the parking lot with Lindsay and go home at a perfectly reasonable hour. Except when I get home I am determined NOT to work but as I look around my room I realize I have nothing else to do BUT work. So I write two christmas cards, Eugene just happens to be in South Bay so he comes over, we go over to Amy’s house where I am supposed to be catsitting and we eat the earl grey ice cream she made for me, and then we leave around 11:30 and then I go to bed.

Basically the entire day was meetings, talking about game plans, and then producing absolutely nothing.


Listening to: Sub Focus ft. Alpine – Tidal Wave

Tang, Melissa i just hate working in my room. it reminds me of how i’m probably going to die single and alone
on my floor
in my cardigan
10:40 PM Manager i am going to cut myself right now
10:40 PMTang, Melissa as my space heater dries out my decaying body
10:41 PM Manager i laugh b/c i have the same thoughts…..except im wearing my pajama pants and ugg slippers
and some piece of shit t-shirt
10:42 PMTang, Melissa LOLOL
10:42 PM Manager please
i cant take this
we may as well be related
or soulmates
hahahhahaha i love it!
10:43 PMTang, Melissa HAHAHA
the saddest soulmate pair ever
we were destined to work together

10:47 PM Manager my roomate told me i should go to bed b/c i look tired
10:47 PMTang, Melissa wait by roommate do you mean … mom
10:48 PM Manager yes


Listening to: Cherry Cherry Boom Boom – One and Only (R3hab remix)

One of the best things this week was watching the La Vic’s cashier’s expression when this conversation went down:

Me: Super flour quesadilla with carne asada please
Danny: Super flour quesadilla with carnitas please *takes out credit card*
Me: What are you doing?! I have my own credit card
Danny: I know
Me: Wait what are you doing why did you put it on my same bill? I can pay for myself
Danny: But …… I thought ……. this was a date
*cashier stares at us a little awkwardly*
Me: What? ……… Um …….. this is a little awkward ……. really? La Vic’s? Um …….. ok fine ….. I guess if I get a free quesadilla out of it, sure let’s call this a date
*cashier awkwardly laughs at us*

Danny: I haven’t taken vacation since April
Me: OH MY GOD You must have been losing time
Danny: Yeah … so I’m taking vacation at the end of this week
Me: Oh … ok that’s cool. Do you think I can work from “home” on Thursday and Friday?
Danny: Do whatever the hell you want
Me: Ok that sounds good

And then we shared our suicidal tendencies. Apparently the both of us (and I know SEVERAL other auditors) used to think the best way to go would be to swerve our cars into a median on the way to work. But as we became more senior, both Danny and I decided that we wanted to go out in ways more specific to our clients HAHA For me, in Redwood City I used to stare out the window when my manager would call me and envision myself walking into that stupid Redwood City lagoon and never coming out. Apparently I am also not the only person who has dreamt of doing this. I’m guessing every office worker with a window office to that lagoon has thought the same. Danny says his fantasy was 1) death by flour silo (he works on a food client and he says he wants to throw himself into the flour silo, die cremation-style, and then be spread across the company’s tortillas) or 2) death by puddle (he says there are a lot of puddles at this client and he has pictured himself just laying on the ground with his face in a puddle LOL)

I sent him this e-mail with this song:

When they make a movie about us, I want this to be the song in the final scene. I envision split screens of you jumping into a flour silo and me walking into the Redwood City lagoon


Q3 ’12

Listening to: Sebastian Ingrosso & Tommy Trash – Reload / Save the World (Alesso remix)

So. It has reached that point again where I get home from work and have to choose between going to the gym or watching tv as part of my three hours of free time. It should technically be two hours if I want a decent night’s sleep but I always go for extra fun time.

I had the most difficult time getting out of bed today. I don’t like the client I’m on at all and the only saving grace for this engagement was my awesome team. A few of my favorite team members have left the firm since I started so now I have my awesome manager, who I have separation anxiety for. I know that during the audit and during interim fieldwork there are going to be days where I am going to be the highest ranking person in the audit room out of four people and that terrifies me.

This is the client where it took a five minute discussion before I decided to send a simple e-mail: “I think it would be more efficient for us to discuss this in person so I will drop by your cubicle tomorrow.” Of course right after I send it, Danny goes “I would recommend in the future that you not write “cubicle.” “Desk” might be a better choice and I was like ARE YOU JOKING?! and he was like “well … it’s going to be the difference between a bad mood and her usual mood so …”

Turns out my e-mail never sent because we packed up and left before the internet could send that simple e-mail. So now the client just thinks I ignored her e-mail.

Me: Danny, which is more important for me to finish? Clearing your analytics review notes or doing this Contingent Consideration Analysis?
Danny: …………………………. both
Me: Ok
Danny: You’re going to have to get used to that answer from now on

Danny: Melissa, what do you want to do? Do you want to pack up and go home and work from home? Or just stay here and continue working?
Me: Um …….. uh …………. well …………… wait what am I doing right now?
Renee: That doesn’t sound promising.

Tired now. Sleep soon.

This is probably one of those posts that people think of when they say to me “you sounded like  you HATED your job!” and I go “what are you talking about?! I never hated my job!” and they say “well you sounded really unhappy …” well I don’t hate my job. I just wish I could lie in bed and watch The Good Wife and Parenthood all day but we can’t all have our dreams come true

My job was fun this week

Listening to: Antillas & Blinders ft. Jenson Vaughan – Top of the World

This is one of those posts where not much happens that would be interesting to others but I think I have to blog now so that one day I will look back and think “I forgot how awesome my life was at one point but this post seems to claim that I had a lot of fun.”

As any employee of the world would agree, the best work weeks are when there’s barely any work to be done. God, I don’t even really remember what I did at this point.

Monday: I already went in detail over this but I just have to reiterate – I spent the night at Kathy’s, we barted together, spent the day in SF office which I have come to associate with “the office in which minimal work is done” because usually that’s where I go when I’m feeling bored with life and want to socialize with anyone who might be in the office that day. Random delicious lunch, Blue Bottle Coffee Co for the first, glorious time, left work almost right at 5pm, went swimming after work. I think I hit upon all the things I wish I could do every day if I could – but probably would only be able to if I worked in operations or human resources.

Tuesday: Worked from home. Mainly completed some trainings and surprisingly got some charge hours in. Went to Philz and the gym but this was after I decided to take a few swigs of lemoncello and promptly passed out at 2:30pm, my head on my work laptop. HAHA I only don’t feel guilty because I ended up just making up the hours later in the day. When they say auditing is flexible, it’s totally true, but only after a year of being the associate butt monkey, and only if you work up a good enough reputation that you know people aren’t going to question where you are and what you’re doing.

Wednesday: All hands meeting and Dave & Busters. I am not a fan of arcade games at all, but even I have to admit, getting handed a free play card with 100 points loaded up is pretty awesome. I couldn’t even use all of the points; I ended up giving it to another coworker. Who knew playing basketball was SO. EXHAUSTING. And several of my coworkers agreed with me too – I guess we are all similarly out of shape. We left at 3pm and I just love my company for purposely scheduling office-wide meetings on weekdays during work hours, knowing and accepting that most of the company will go home at like 2pm. I think I went to the cafe today too. Basically I consumed A LOT of sugar this week.

Thursday: I dragged my ass to the office, but I’ll admit 90% of the reason I went to the office and didn’t just work from home was because I didn’t have food in the fridge and knew I could eat a delicious, oily, unhealthy meal if I went to the office. So I went to the office, promptly dropped off my stuff and did as much as turn on my laptop so at least I was online, then dragged a coworker to Specialtys with me for my breakfast. Then we had lunch at Backayard. Then we left promptly at 5pm and I headed straight to Philz. Bay Area Traffic Love #1: is when I’m driving to Philz on the 101N, and exit off of Middlefield RIGHT before I hit the shitty Palo Alto traffic. Love love love that feeling of zooming past lanes of stopped cars.

While at Philz I FINALLY put together my list of expenditures for the past three months. It’s hard because I don’t always remember what I spent cash on. But between my credit card statements, my google calendar, and my outlook calendar for work events, I can generally piece together a decent amount of information. I am horrified to realize, as a I look back on my 2011  and 2010 expenditures documents, that there were months where I spent about $1,000 and now it looks like I keep hovering around $1,800 or up to $2,200. So I probably need to … limit … myself. (Obvi, this plan is to take effect after this weekend, which includes a Napa trip to various restaurants and wineries that Kathy tells me are “a bit pricey,” and this is someone who just went to Michael Mina HAHA). On the other hand, I also miscalculated how much tax would be taken out of my bonus and I had initially figured I’d use my bonus on my Seattle trip but now I think I have $650 to throw at Restoration Hardware and see what lands up in my room. I really want to completely redo my room before my birthday party. Speaking of which,

After returning from Philz I went to Pinkberry with my housemate Caryn. She dragged me there to try the new Nutella flavor. We both ended up getting original though HA. I was telling her how I want to redo my room and she was like “yeah do it!” and I was like “but ……. if I do it …… it’s like …… how much longer am I staying here?! It’s like I’m settling!” and she gave me this indescribable look (I think it’s best described as “you’re a fucking idiot”) and said “I’m pretty sure you can move a table out of a room. And if you want to build a shelf, go ahead. There’s this thing called spackel.” HA Love my living situation.

Friday: I went to the client but one of the best things about auditing is probably when I’m on working alone on a private client and the client fails to give me what I want even when they tell me they are going to get it to me. Because the deadline isn’t that strict, it’s not my fault I don’t have work and I feel no guilt about sitting around taking my time to look at the flux of a single account. I left at like 4:50 today and headed straight to Berkeley. Bay Area Traffic Love #2: Driving on the 24W and exiting on Claremont RIGHT before hitting Tunnel Rd traffic. Another thing I love about auditing is the fact that this was my Friday schedule: I went to work, took it very, very easy, decided I’d just go to Berkeley since I left early enough to miss 880 traffic, walked to Willard Park, read under a tree while watching dogs run around and play with one another. Then my coworker Eugene called and this was our convo:

Eugene: So … Chicago … what do you want to do? (we are coordinating our overlapping weekends in Chicago along with three other coworkers HAHA Today I realized that I’ll be in Chicago for a very long time but who knows if I’ll be working with these people come October 2013 so I’m just really happy we’ll be able to do this little vacay together)
Me: I don’t know – wait where are you coming from right now?
Eugene: My client is in Pleasanton and I’m driving back to SF. Why where are you?
Me: I’m just sitting in a park in Berkeley, reading
Eugene: Are you alone?
Me: Yeah, I’m just staying here and will eat dinner until I leave Berkeley and go to Kathy’s. Why did you want to come to Berkeley?
Eugene: Yeah sure
Me: Where are you now?
Eugene: I’m driving on the 580. How do I get to Berkeley?
Me: I think you just switch to the 24, take the Claremont exit, and I’ll meet you at College and Ashby
Eugene: Ok … I think it’ll be like 20 minutes

And just like that … one auditor who lives in Santa Clara and one auditor who lives in SF met up in the East Bay and had dinner and ice cream and walked around the streets of Berkeley together! HAHA Eugene is always a delight to talk to and I think he is my work husband. I told Kathy “I love seeing Eugene, but I think we may touch each other inappropriately in the office” and she went “uh. YEAH. You do.” I’ve told him this before, but at first I didn’t think we would be friends because he was too happy all the time. And it wasn’t until training last year, when he was super emo about something, that I thought to myself hm, I think we could be friends. HA The funny thing is that while this is one of my favorite workweeks of the year, Eugene was like “this is probably the worst workweek I’ve had at GT”

And now I’m at Kathy’s house. I missed being able to swim in her pool by about twenty minutes but I’m ok with it because I may have thrown up all the Indian curry I ate. Tomorrow is Napa with her, Amy and Julia. Sunday is SF day.

So yeah, remind me of this post when I’m having a “FUCK THIS I HATE MY JOB” week. Time to sleep. Maybe job tomorrow morning.

Weekend in quotes

*building the eiffel towel Lego set with Jessica*

Jessica: Look at this – it’s not 90 degree angles! I told you, you have to make sure they’re all aligned perfectly!
Me: I’m sorry! I was watching Pretty Little Liars in the background …
Jessica: Listen, you can’t just put things together anyway you like. You have to make sure, you’re doing … quality lego work
Jessica: Ok. I realize it sounds funny but I’ve seen kids buy the exact same Lego set and when I look at it, it looks like shoddy shit. You have to make sure this is a 90 degree angle. This is a 90 degree angle. This is a 90 degree angle. Ok? you can’t have it like this, or this or this
Me: Well I just want to do legos while watching Pretty Little Liars
Jessica: No. Listen, this is why I said we should have put NPR on the background and not Pretty Little Liars. You have to give this your attention to make sure you’re creating good, solid architecture

*yet another phone convo with my mom where I tune out for a few minutes and then realize I have zero idea what she is talking about*

Mom: So, what do you think?
Me: About what?
Mom: What should I do?
Me: Um……… why not?
Mom: Why not what?
Me: Ummm………
Mom: Should I stay or should I go?
Me: Well … don’t you like to try new things …
Mom: ……………………. Yeah that is true *continues talking*

*meeting up at Fat Angel with Kristen, Andria, Naomi and Leneve and updating each other on our lives*

Me: Well I really like my job now!
Andria: Wow that’s really good! I’m glad to hear you say that!
Me: Wait … I can’t tell … are you being sarcastic?
Andria: Well, you were really negative about your job before
Me: What?!
Everyone at the table: Yeah………. you were
Me: Oh. I did not realize

Kristen: So are you going to move to Seattle or not?!
Me: I don’t know! Sometimes I feel like, I would be giving up a lot of things in CA and I don’t know – I like the friends I have here and I have things to do
Naomi: You’re getting comfortable. NEVER. GET. COMFORTABLE.

Me: I’m getting a little worried, my bank account balance has not moved at all for a few months
Kristen: WHAT?! Are you not saving ANY MONEY?!
Me: WELL. I MEAN. WELL. yeah. no. I’m not.

*on my Sunday, in which I went on a horribly hot, unshaded hike with Kathy, then went to Costco where we cumulatively spent $842*

About four different people who passed us on our way out of Costco: You’re getting  TWO Vitamixes?
Kathy: Yeah … we don’t share well

I’m not sure what my mom will say when I tell her I decided to buy a $400 blender but she was surprisingly ok with my $500 chair since she thought it was very comfortable. HAHA Also, this probably explains the quote two above

Kathy: oh my god I never told you this story. So remember one day when we were emailing each other while I was in Ecuador and you were like “travel safe!”
Me: Yeah. What, HAHA (mimicking Kathy) I got mugged!
Kathy: I DID
Me: WHAT?!?!?!

*on my day off from work, which I spent walking around a lake with my coworker Lindsay, eating pancakes and eggs she cooked, going through a hair product wholesale store where her beauty school friend had a discount, watching Lindsay refill a prescription and sitting on the couch watching Happy Endings with her and her boyfriend for about eight hours*

Lindsay: My mom threw a party when I moved out of the house
Me: Like … for you?
Lindsay: Nope. She and my dad even had a drum band play in the yard and they invited all their friends
Me: Were you invited?
Lindsay: No! I helped set up and then my mom politely told me to leave

Lindsay: My mom always said “I don’t understand why people move when they retire. You finally have all this free time and you decide to move away from your friends? Makes no sense”
Me: That is true

Lindsay: So you wanted to watch Girls right?
Me: Either Girls or Happy Endings – I have no preference
Lindsay: You know what happens when you search for videos of “Girls”?
Adam: A whole lot of porn
Lindsay: He even tried to download “Girls (TV Show)” and it just turned out to be a whole file of jpegs. And then we tried to download Happy Endings. By this time our computer already thought we were looking for porn

Listening to: basically every major song in 2012 – What the Fuck

What the fuck indeed – it’s not even the end of 2012 yet so this video should NOT be made. That being said, these mashup songs are generally interesting for the first twenty seconds and then afterward it’s more interesting to just see the cuts of 20 different music videos into one. Is it sad that I think the most engaging music video clips are those of Britney Spears, who was probably loaded with mind numbing drugs during filming? Towards the end of the song I feel like pop music is just so much noise.

Finally finished reading: Edward Rutherfurd – New York

This 880 page behemoth is finally over! I’m kind of sad. Now I have that weird moment after reading a really awesome book where I simultaneously REALLY want to read a new book because I’m totally in the mood to read now, but I’m also afraid to pick up a new book because comparatively, my mind just finds them less interesting because it hasn’t been prepared to accept a new writing style and a new plot line yet. I don’t know if I would want to read his other books, only because New York is the location I know most about that he’s written about and that might have fueled more of my interest. The book made me realize how little I know about history because it’ll say the year and sometimes day and month when a chapter is beginning and I have no idea what it’s supposed to signify (other than the obvious 9/11 and July 4th). It’s kind of like when it’s announced what year the new season of Mad Men will be set in and I’m like “1966? What happened in 1966?”