– I totally wasted a perfectly good day today. It was one of those days where my mind kept adding things to my “I could be doing this” list, but my body was too lazy to move. My brain would freak out when it realized how inactive I was being, but when I attempted to move I would immediately sink back into bed. I usually take this as a sign that I am not happy with life.
– I feel really listless right now, like my brain has all these thoughts and my body has been really inactive and I just want to shake it all out. Usually the best remedy for me is to go swimming in Spieker pool for about 100 laps. But now I have no access to a pool. Ugh. Actually, I’m going to google it and see if I can get a day pass to a pool somewhere. Even if it’s infested with children and chlorinated to death, I think it’ll be good for me.
– Well, fuck, how am I supposed to go swimming when the center is open from 8am-5pm and only on weekdays.
– I’m considering just getting a day pass to the RSF the next time I go to Berkeley. That’s $12. Ugh. The more I think about swimming the more restless I feel. I’m at the point where I can’t tell if my body is sore from exercising too much one day or sore from general inactivity. At this point, I am fine with paying $12 to go swimming. I’ll just be in the pool for like two hours. And then go on the elliptical. And then take an abs class. And then pass out from exhaustion at some point.
– Today I woke up and thought to myself “it was really dumb of me to live in the Bay.” I already knew I didn’t even want to live in SF but I didn’t realize that everything I loved about the Bay from when I lived in Berkeley is not here in the South Bay. In fact, I realized that Santa Clara is just an accumulation of every thing I could hate about a city. The inescapable requirement to drive, the lack of greenery, lack of good restaurants, lack of outdoor recreation. If I don’t like SF and I don’t like South Bay and East Bay is mostly too ghetto or too expensive for me to live in, I’m not quite sure what it is I like about the Bay then.
– Back to the “I should have just lived at home” train of thought. On the one hand, this point is not even worth discussing because I work here and I would not give up my job just to live at home. On the other hand, if I had known how I would feel now, maybe I would have applied for jobs in LA even though I really dislike LA. It is a toss up which area I dislike more – I think I just have more ties in LA to soften my dislike of the city. After going home for the weekend and bringing up all this food to eat, I’m left with the question of why I am spending a good fraction of my paycheck on rent when I could have hypothetically lived at home for free. I wouldn’t have the inconvenience of having to care about how late I stay out as others might, plus I would have had my mom’s cooking. The idea is that I have complete independence in my own home. But it’s not like I’m dating someone and I really don’t have much time for “independence” after work. I am tired all the time and I end up doing pretty much what I would have done in Arcadia. I don’t meet people so my independence is rather trivial in the grand scheme of things. I think independence is a euphemism for “freedom to fuck around”
– I do really like my first team though. I’m not quite sure how they feel about me
– I know there are a few things I could do that would at least make me temporarily happy. But I never do them. Such includes but is not limited to: spending some time to search for new music, going for a long run that lasts more than a mile, rock climbing, swimming, biking, surfing. The annoying thing is that when I’m not feeling enthused about life, it takes a lot more for me to attempt these simple things
– God. It’s only Monday.
– Tomorrow I’m freaking getting that god damn frozen yogurt that I have been craving for the past week. Plain tart and andes mint! Why is this combination so delicious.
– I’m reading a new book and she just wrote out the Pabst Blue Ribbon. I feel like I have to commit this acronym to memory, lest I find myself on a game show asking me “what does PBR stand for?”
– I meant to skip rock climbing so I could have a good night’s sleep. But it’s already midnight. Another day of my life, gone.
Listening to: Octoberman – Trapped in a New Scene
I have gone to Twiggs every day for the past six days. I don’t even know how many hours of my life I’ve spent there in total. I got really frustrated today because I was tanking the taxes section, which I usually do very well in. I bet they put the easiest chapter after bonds/leases because I really wanted to throw my book into a fire after that chapter. I only have three more sections left! But they are sections I hate – things like nonprofits and governmental accounting. Bleh.
I can now recognize the different workers at Twiggs. It seems like they have a different pair of workers for each day of the week. There are three white guys who look very similar to me, but there is definitely one that I like more. I just can’t identify who it is. Whoever I am thinking of made the effort to talk to me when I asked for a box for my cake. I’m 95% certain that he was working today (but honestly, I could be mistaken). The one working today is just … really sexy. HAHA I don’t think I’ve ever met or even seen a guy on the streets that I would label as “sexy,” because for guys I just say good-looking or gayface cute or DILF (jk about the last one). The guy at Twiggs gives off a really sexy vibe. He reminds me of Guy Pierce, not as grossly thin but fit with proportional muscles, slicked back dirty blonde hair but not in a swarmy way, and he has lots of tattoos, practically sleeves on both his arms. I watched him get off of work, unlock his bike with a cigarette in his mouth and Ray-Ban Wayfarers on his face, and ride off in his classic black t-shirt and jeans and I was like “wow that guy is pretty sexy bad ass.” And then I continued to read about fucking taxes.
The weeks are going by so fast. I can’t believe I’ve been in San Diego for five weeks now! Next week is my last. I’m amazed by how quickly I’ve kind of settled into this life, how I’ve never been bored, how many different things I’ve done, and how I feel like I barely did a fraction of the things I could have done. I only have ONE WEEK left! So between May 14th and May 21st, I will be: having fun with Andria and Christina who are visiting SD, having fun with TMVers in SD, leaving my apt and my awesome SD life, going back to NorCal, graduating, and hanging out with my beloved NorCal friends! Then two weeks after that, I’m leaving for my three week-long roadtrip. Like, wtf? Is this really my life?
Another wtf: I watched Modern Family today in the morning and was kind of like wtf by
Wow, double standard. I know ABC is probably the most gay friendly network but this shot just really bugged me.
Every Friday midnight I debate whether it’s worth staying up until 5am to watch Grey’s Anatomy online the second they upload it. I am just going to go to sleep and hope that relearning about governmental accounting will take far less time than I think.
I woke up at 9:30 today after sleeping at 4:30am. I had woken up for work at 7:15am yesterday so I’m surprised I’m not that tired. I hope my body doesn’t give out in the middle of next week.
Usually the minute I wake up I will immediately start my morning routine. Wake up and get up is the same for me. UNTIL TODAY!!! I went to pee and then came back to bed, turned on my laptop and just watched shows and read gossip. Oh dear, now it’s 11am. I should have gone running …
Well I’m going grocery shopping with Li-Ting soon and then we’ll go to SF and SJ again. I also went to SF and SJ yesterday. I love my friends because watching all my tv shows at once on a Sunday is not as fulfilling as I had envisioned during the week. I’m thankful for having friends who are always up to do things in NorCal. While Apple sends Janie to Japan, maybe I will assume the role of Janie and plan some Dine Abouts. We went to one yesterday and I had an amazing bread pudding at One Market. But negated the fancifulness of it with a Denny’s Oreo Shake.
Basically I got out off work around 5pm, waited for others to get to the Financial District, and then we had a Dine About dinner at One Market. Earlier in the week I was not so keen about blowing $50 on a dinner. But now I’m glad because 1) Janie is leaving for Japan next weekend for a rotation 2) it was fun and 3) that money is a fraction of a work day. So yay! It was admittedly kind of fun to leave work and meet up with a group of friends right after. I appreciate the efficiency of working and playing within blocks of each other. Go SF.
I saw this trailer. I immediately wanted to see the movie only because they play Plushgun – Just Impolite!!! That is my most played song in iTunes, at least for my new computer. I imagine that if I hadn’t switched computers, MGMT – Kids would be my most played song with maybe 350 plays. My play count is no longer accurate because my shuffle is messed up and doesn’t update playcounts. But Just Impolite is not only a running song but a walk around the street song AND a driving song, so I’m sure it rightfully belongs at the top of my music library.
But yeah, this trailer! It gets points for 1) Alexis Bledel 2) Song choice 3) Scott Porter of FNL, but the script seems pretty bland. I think I would have fallen in love with the trailer if they had muted the dialogue but left the soundtrack.
I need to get going. What were the errands I had to do this week? Whatever, I can do them next weekend.
Before, I had all the time in the world so of course I would watch right as soon as it was available online. But now I have a queue and … it’s a little sad to say but it appears that the priority goes something like:
1) JERSEY SHORE (because it’s easily digestable and I HAVE TO KNOW what happens in the season finale! Favorite guy: Ronnie. Favorite girl: J-Woww. This show kind of makes me want to go on Real World or something. Will Asians ever get their own reality show? I don’t think it will ever happen)
2) Modern Family (also easily digestable)
3) Parks and Rec (I was surprised I waited until Saturday to watch because I tell people I like P&R more. I think I watch Modern Family first because it’s more likely people will mention it in the office)
4) 30 Rock
5) Better Off Ted
6) Daily Show
7) FNL (It’s really far down since it’s a drama and I have to commit myself to watching it. You have to appreciate every minute of this show!)
eight) HIMYM (I don’t like this show much anymore. I may stop watching after this season)
9) Chuck (If someone could just compile every scene with Yvonne Strahovski in an episode, Chuck would probably come in right after P&R)
Another list. Yesterday Li-Ting and Laura said I should make a list of my favorite lists. One day, I just might.
My laptop is riddled with viruses. Oftentimes if I search things on Google it will reroute me to some random (at least non-pornographic) site. I may switch to using my work laptop. I love my work laptop. Only because I have to take it home everyday, so I feel like I can go anywhere after work since I have a laptop with me. I should also put a toothbrush into my backpack. And extra underwear… ;D
Just kidding, that would never happen. I’m starting to worry – I didn’t make a group of friends that I could later date within years down the line. How will I meet new people when I’m sitting in bed on my only day off? HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS?!?!?!?!
First week of work, over! Nine weeks left! Once I get my first paycheck, I’ll have an idea of how much will be taken out from taxes, and then I can start building up a pie chart of how I am going to spend all my money before September.
I’m going to try to stop saying things like “I worked UNTIL THIS TIME” because most people are either working just as much or longer than I am. So I have no right. But isn’t it a nice change from my usual complaints of food?
The last thing I did as a college student was score several points below the mean of my tax final. Considering I never went to class after the second midterm and went through most of the chapters thinking “I highly doubt that’s going to be on a test,” I think that’s fine.
My first moment of “oh my god I’ll never be in school again” was when I was watching my fourth episode of Battlestar Galactica of the day, and I thought “ugh I’ve watched so many episodes – I should be … actually I don’t have any other obligations. WHEEEEEE” BSG is not the amazingly captivating show I had envisioned. I only like watching the scenes with Mary McDonnell. (I wanted to embed a video but I don’t want to be spoiled while browsing youtube. Dilemma!) There are a lot of stupid characters whose actions are inexplicable and they do not have a great soundtrack to win points from what it lacks. But, I will soldier on and continue watching …
I ended up missing my flight today but luckily there were open seats for the one an hour later. By the time I got through security, it was as if I had been scheduled for the 11am flight all along. This is actually the second flight I’ve missed, I would have missed three if one hadn’t been delayed, and I was the last passenger to arrive for another flight. I’m generally a very punctual person, but something about calculating travel time to Oakland airport does not compute in my head. I’m so concerned about arriving way early and wasting time that I end up sitting on the bart/airbart frantically rubbing my thumbs in stress.
I fully intend on enacting a “wake up at 6:30, go running, eat little, work out to my Jillian Michaels dvd at night” plan. I use the bathroom mirror in my home as an indicator of relative weight gain/loss. You might say, aren’t all mirrors the same, and I would say surprisingly, no! Careful study has led me to believe that mirrors and their placement change the reflected image, and I trust the mirror at home the most. And today, that mirror said to me “GOOD GOD YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.”
I went to Costco with my mom with the intention of buying a GPS system. We ended up getting bread, a bag of tangerines, and a box of edamame. I used to love Costco food, but now I realize that I wouldn’t eat most of their food. All the ready-made foods are super unhealthy and their produce is not that cheap. I only buy oatmeal and their Kirkland multigrain bread. My mom had previously bought one of Jillian Michael’s workout dvds, and when we walked by, I realized there were MORE! There are actually a lot. Holy shit, the one I linked got 5 stars, that is incredibly high. My mom was like “I bought a dvd … with Jillian Michaels. Do you know her?” and I thought to myself “do I know her? I PRACTICALLY WORSHIP HER.” Just kidding, I don’t. If I did, I would still be watching The Biggest Loser. I’ve watched so much garbage just because I liked some actress (Life, Cashmere Mafia, all Jennifer Garner movies, etc). I would like to be trained by someone like Jillian Michaels. Someone who won’t give into my “egggghhhhh I don’t really want to do that…” and will respond by cursing at me and upping my reps.
Those were all extra paragraphs that do not pertain to my basic “no more school” thoughts.
Oh god, this blog is so long I feel like I should put off the real purpose of this post until another time. Who wants to read through all this garbage!
I’m sitting in my room and was looking at the collage I made for RCSA and was reminded of when I gave them out to people and I asked Kristen if she had known what I was doing and she responded “UH YEAH I WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. I had to make a lot of noise before I got up so you could minimize it.” ❤
Ok, after my first weekend of following NCAA women’s volleyball, I completely do not understand how American workplaces remain productive during NCAA men’s basketball. If I’m this interested in volleyball, I’m trying to imagine how interested other people would be in basketball. And then you multiply that interest by however many people are interested in sports, which I suspect is a huge percentage, contrary to my own personal experiences. The interactive bracket on ncaa.com AND the live streaming video on CBS sports is ridiculously addicting to watch. Once I made fun of Jonathan for staying at home just to watch Gametracker … but for the next volleyball game I was doing the same. Just watching numbers tick by. It’s surprisingly entertaining.
NCAA is super time-draining because even if you only have one team to root for, you end up paying attention to every other team, trying to predict who your team will end up playing against. So right now, I’m listening to the UCLA vs. Baylor game in hopes of having Baylor defeat UCLA so that Cal can play Baylor next weekend and have a higher chance of advancing. UPSET WIN PLEASE! This is so stressful.
I don’t understand how anyone is supposed to reasonably make bracket predictions. It seems near impossible to predict the exact bracket. I guess that’s why you can win $10,000 if you get the bracket right.
I finished my paper but my craving for junk food passed. That’s a nice feeling – to know that I successfully avoided eating something that would have made me unhappy anyway. BUT my dinner was two quesadillas and a pork loin. The pork loin hurt my stomach … it’s way too meaty for me. I have nine more to consume. Maybe Owen will know what to do with them.
I want to buy SOOO MANYYY THINGSSSSSS
For many years I have imagined what I’d have in my home when I graduated from college. No more mismatched dinnerware and take what you can get furniture. Dispose of all the things my mom had fished out of the hallway closet for me before I left for school. Now, it’s Thanksgiving and I see sales EVERYWHERE and I know I’m going to be living independently next year September … so I kind of want to buy EVERYTHING now and store it in my room until I depart for SJ.
In the last two years I’ve bought for myself and set aside: 4 yellow salad plates from Target, 1 glass carafe and 6 ceramic mugs from the Crate and Barrel outlet. It’s a meager start, but they are all things I really love and hope no one will ever break.
In addition to this, I so want to redo my wardrobe. There are only a few things I like and would keep if I had the choice of completely starting anew. You can probably envision them in your head, since I constantly rewear clothes. I like my 2 pairs of boots, the straight leg jeans I’m currently wearing, 2 black peacoats, my Cal sweatshirt, my UC Berkeley pj pants, my Costco socks, my random assortment of free underwear I’ve accumulated from Victoria’s Secret, the black “edgy” jacket I bought from Wet Seal, my H&M blazer, my bright blue zip up hoodie, and a black long sleeve from Target.
I just came back from shopping with Connie. My legs are so tired. I bought three long sleeves from Target. I realized something in the dressing room. Every time I go shopping, I only pick tops to try on that are of the following colors: white, yellow, grey, and black.
Today I found five fairly similar long-sleeve tops. I left with three. Can you guess which three?
The only colors I EVER buy are black, grey, and dark blue. I ALWAYS bring something white or yellow into the dressing room, I have no idea why because white is not a flattering color in general and yellow doesn’t go well with my skin color. Nevertheless, ALWAYS those colors! I think my favorite color is actually yellow. I realized this because I was looking through wedding ideas and this was my favorite color scheme:
So effing cute.
Another thing I ALWAYS do: I ALWAYS go into jcrew even though I never ever get anything because 1) nothing compliments my style, my skin tone, or my size and 2) it’s pretty expensive. I have no idea why I am drawn to jcrew every time – I think it may have something to do with how white it is and how I am so easily drawn to things white people like.
Maybe I’m in a more observant mood. While shopping today I kept noticing people and I think I’m becoming more aware of LA vs. SF differences. For my own taste, I think I really love the outfits that people wear in SF and in Berkeley (sometimes I just want to sit at Kroeber Fountain or Memorial Glade and watch people walk by and take notes on their outfits) but I think people wear makeup better in LA. Or … maybe SF makeup is more natural while LA makeup is more dramatic but not excessively so. I may only like SF outfits more because I love layers, and I do not appreciate baggy tshirts or denim skirts with boots.
First day of Thanksgiving break: I’m +4 garments. Let’s see what Friday brings.
Listening to: The Lucksmiths – The Golden Age of Aviation
In my freshman year of college I would have said (and probably DID say in a blog entry somewhere) that I had absolutely no regrets. Why would I? I pretty much got whatever I wanted, sometimes more than I expected. Summer after sophomore year was when I started to think uh oh … that wasn’t the way I wanted things to go. But no real regrets until junior year maybe. I say maybe because I feel regret, but even now, I don’t know what exactly I actually regret. I think the worst part about regretting something isn’t the actual feeling of remorse. I think the worst part is the uncertainty – all the questions that float around my head. If I had done this, would things have been different? What if I had done that, but I still got the same result?
I regret how I’ve handled several things in my life. But at the same time, I’m content with the current status of the situations/relationships. So … I can regret the process but be happy with the result? It seems like that shouldn’t be possible. Maybe I’m too eager to tell myself that I’m satisfied with the present, but I enjoy dwelling on the past.
Taylor Swift on SNL is the only time I have EVER watched a complete SNL skit. Not just one, but nearly all of them! She’s too talented. Paulo says she was probably decent on SNL, but the fact that she is so likable would make people think she was fantastic. Maybe. Or maybe she’s just ridiculously awesome. I wish I could be that instantaneously likable. Is it something I can work on? Or is my bitchiness too ingrained into my personality?
I want to make this when I go home for Thanksgiving. And I want to buy chicken and make Thai curry rice (the curry comes premade from Trader Joe’s). Other food wishes: Andronico’s fruit tart, Ben and Jerry’s pint of mint chocolate cookie, La Burrita. Oh wait. I’m on a crash diet until Thanksgiving.
This clip makes me laugh every time. Connie Britton is so awesome. Just another one of about fifteen movies that I need to see. How come freshman-junior year, when I had friends, there wasn’t a single movie I wanted to watch? Now it’s senior year and I have a giant queue of movies, but no one I would ask to watch with me.
First show to have a holiday episode … Greek
Not the most interesting picture but the scarves say it all – the holidays are upon us!
And I’m not ready for it!
I don’t want it to turn 2010. Even though I believe 2009 is the lowpoint of my life, 2010 is too scary. I remember in high school, filling things out like “graduating from college in 2010” seemed like such a distant future. I vaguely remember when the publication date for the last Harry Potter was set, and I thought it seemed so far away. That was over two years ago.
Last holiday season in college. I wish I could enjoy it more, but it is hard to. I keep writing lists of things to do but I never cross anything off anymore. I can’t believe how much time I waste refreshing ontd everyday, but it somehow passes hours of my life.
Time to study. I don’t understand how I take so long to read a chapter either.
I would really like to go to NYC with friends for one holiday break, but I would like to go when I actually have a job in place. The list of things I’d like to do when I get a job could go on forever. What can I do for now? Hmm … I guess I can go study.
I really like this site. I want to do the same thing, but I have no one I would send my drawings to and my artistic skills are not that great, except for comedic purposes. If I did one for today, it’d be:
It was a bit sad to trot along the track and then see him pass me, with his flailing arms. My excuse is that I ran 3.5 mi yesterday after not running for a full week so my body was not having any of it today.
What else. I ate lunch with Chrystal at Espresso Experience. It was one of the first Berkeley restaurants I yelped and planned on trying out but I never went because I seriously could not find it. It is very easy to walk past. Their Hawaiian bulgolgi sandwich is really delicious. It’s essentially bulgolgi, pineapples, and a stick of melted mozerella cheese on tasty bread. mmm
I always get super annoyed right before I meet up with Chrystal because she is ALWAYS late. Even when I try to plan for her lateness, I still end up being there ten minutes before she gets there. But then I see her and everything is always happy. Whenever we meet up, it’s essentially 90 minutes of us completely bitching about our lives and gossiping. It’s the best. You may think I complain a lot to you, but Chrystal probably bears the full 100% brunt of my complaints and worries those few times that I ever see her in a year. She said that every time I see her, I say “I love your life” because I love her storytelling and drama and gossip.
What else today. Since I didn’t go home after lunch and went straight to class, I really had to use the bathroom. It was super awkward because the professor for my next class was in line before me and she engaged me in conversation. I do not ever speak in class so I was worried she would take that as an invitation to start calling on me in class. Thank god she did not. The group of “people who like to talk in class” has surfaced and solidified, so my commentary will not be requested.
I think I would like to have a wedding cupcake cake instead of a traditional wedding cake. But if I were a wedding guest, I would feel slightly cheated if I only got a cupcake instead of a slice of cake. Why am I thinking of this? I don’t know – I just like to visit wedding blogs because they usually have cute pictures of things.
I am really really unmotivated to do anything anymore. I just sit around and watch Gilmore Girls all the time, now while knitting instead of playing tetris. I actually started blogging because I was too energetic to nap, but instead of putting that energy into reading tax, I decided I would write a blog entry. Good going, self. Life sucks. What’s the point. No friends. No job. No gossip I could share with friends. End rant. Start happiness.
Wow, it was only a few months ago when I first started knitting. When I look at the scarf I made, it looks like some fifth grade attempt. Most of my creative projects look like failed elementary school projects. But I clearly remember learning how to knit during spring break, and finishing that yellow, moth-eaten looking scarf in a week. The inspiration for the yellow color was the scarf Freida Pinto wore in Slumdog Millionaire, although that’s a little embarassing for me to admit because the product is so far off its target. The motivation for actually finishing the scarf, which I’m certain I never would have completed otherwise, was my mom saying (and this is verbatim) “I bet you won’t finish it. I remember I wanted to knit before … but I never finished. You’re not going to either.” Well I spent every waking moment of that spring break knitting – knitting in the car and knitting at Danny’s while people watched movies or talked. I finished it, and my mom was very surprised and begged me to make her one too, and I said “No. You didn’t believe in me.”
After that I was full-steam ahead, and wanted to make a multi-colored one. I still had the yellow left, so I bought blue yarn to make a Berkeley scarf. After realizing how obvious a ruined scarf looks, even just one dropped stitch, I swore I would not make a single mistake. So I could concentrate VERY HARD and make sure every single row was very tight. I was doing pretty well, until one night I could not sleep so I tried to knit myself to sleep. BAD IDEA. I ended up dropping a stitch and when I tried to remedy it, the scarf got more messed up. I set it aside, tried to fix the mistake on two separate occasions, but gave up and left it in the Wet Seal bag along with my clean underwear and socks.
But today I did laundry and instead of reading accounting, I decided to reorganize that mesh drawer. I ended up taking the scarf out, and after three failed attempts at fixing it, FINALLY got to a row where I could properly stick the knitting needle through and pick up again. I think you can tell where I restarted – but I figure if it’s long enough, no one is going to notice.
I guess I’ll try to finish this scarf. It’s a good way to procrastinate. And I can just sit and listen to my itunes library and hear songs that I never knew I had. I don’t even like wearing scarves – I think the reason I was so eager to knit to begin with was because I thought handmade scarves would be a great gift for someone. But now I look at the things I make, and I don’t think anyone would appreciate them, no matter how nice they are. Ideally though, I want to one day make something like this:
You know, for all the children I’m going to have.