My finals seem really far away. I have two more classes to study for. One I’m doing ever so slowly. One I don’t want to bother with until after TMV leaves next week, leaving me with two days to study. School is very stress-free once I decided to aim for B’s in my classes. The bar is low. Show up to class, do better than about three people.
Yesterday I watched Zach and Miri Make a Porno. I didn’t finish half of it. Today I watched Harry Potter: HBP. I watched the entire thing, even though the only scenes I really enjoy are with Bellatrix. The whole movie is pretty good, but I think the scene where Bellatrix busts apart the Great Hall is one of my favorite few seconds of CGI. I really want the next movie to come out. Just because I think I will cry at the scene when Harry sees Snape’s memory. Although that scene wouldn’t even be in the Nov 2010 movie – it would be in the last, which would come out, what? 2012? Oh god. In two years … I hope I’m loving my job, have passed the CPA exam, have a much better wardrobe, have a good group of norcal/work friends, and have a balanced life.
Today I studied at Starbucks with Paulo. UGH. For the past two months, I know I’ve been getting fatter, relative to my summer days. But it wasn’t until I showered ten minutes ago that I looked in the mirror and thought “OMFG MY STOMACH.” It’s because I drank a peppermint mocha frappucino, a sample chai mocha, and a chocolate chip cookie. I only got the frappucino because I felt obligated to buy something since I was using one of their tables. Even though I hate absolutely everything on the Starbucks menu.
Starbucks sucks ass. I never understood why people like it. Or why celebrities who have to be thin love to drink their sugary concoctions. I have no idea why I am always compelled to buy something when I go in, either. As you watch them make the drinks, you can clearly see that they kind of do whatever, throw whatever ingredients together. Which is fine, except you can taste the lack of effort. I feel like you can taste each individual ingredient because the fractions are always off and they don’t mix drinks very well. Or at all. It’s just: sugar layer, decent layer, ice layer for cold drinks. Or, steaming hot layer, decent layer, I wish I could stop drinking this but I must finish what I paid for layer, then sugar layer for hot drinks. Their pastries are also crappy. End rant.
Found this on tumblr. I like it. For myself, I think everything is shifted +1 ha. I never say ha, but my “haha” means “omfg shut up” or “you just said something offensive but it’s not worth my time to start an argument.” And anything after hahah for me graduates to caps. Like hahah then HAHAHA for the extra funny.
My scale (for AIM not e-mail) is probably
haha: *see above*
hahaha: that wasn’t not funny, but I didn’t smile
HAHAHA: i’m grinning
HAHAHAHA: it was so funny I exhaled air
HAHAHAHA+ any number of HAs: i made a laughing sound
HAHAHAHA OMFG: i’m saving that in my quotes document
I like how during finals, way less people go to the gym at night, and more people go to the gym in the morning. I also noticed that more people gym right before Thanksgiving. And a ridiculous number of people go to the gym after winter break.
I want to study at the RSF in the morning tomorrow, go home, make a quesadilla, then study at Starbucks. Hopefully not be tempted to buy anything there. But I don’t know …
Foods I always eat when put in front of me:
2. birthday cake
3. ice cream
5. nacho chips
6. white rice
Food I will never eat even if I’m starving:
1. whipped cream
3. scrambled eggs with salt
4. non-nonfat milk
5. artificial candy like twizzlers, jolly ranchers, etc.
6. steak, like a slab of steak, but carne asada is delightful
9. hot cheetos
I haven’t realized that come next Thursday, I’m actually done with school. All I think about nowadays is how cold it is, how I should exercise more, and how much I should study. I will go to 4th St tomorrow and get in the Christmasy mood.
1. The printer I’ve had for two years does COPIES. I never knew … so I’m copying my employment contracts now. I just saved myself $1.00. Love it. Technology is so amazing … the idea that this printer can SCAN a document, then PRINT it as a COPY. So that’s why this giant contraption on my desk says “printer scanner copier”
2. The H&M blazer I’ve had for four years has a removable belt! I’ve only worn the blazer once, and that one time I wore it, I got some sort of liquid foundation on it and there is a very small but annoying stain on my left boob. I didn’t like wearing it because of the stain, and because I hated having to tie the belt because it made unflattering shapes with my stomach. But Saturday I realized the belt is totally removable! So I colored in the stain with a black sharpie, and now I’m good to go
3. I’ve somehow ended up getting everything I had hoped for and more. All my regrets have washed away. The only way life could be improved is if I weren’t single and I had Yvonne Strahovski’s abs. Regardless, at this moment, life is perfect.
And so begins a slight, hopefully unnoticeable filtering of the thoughts I hastily post onto this blog. I don’t want to get fired for anything.
I need to plan out how I’m going to spend my paychecks. HAHA overeager much? I used to have a bookmarked article on my old laptop that suggested what you should be spending. I just remember that people should be spending 28% of their paycheck on housing. I forgot how much is supposed to be saved. It’s surprising how hard it is to find a decent article that reasoanbly suggests a smart way to spend your paycheck. I always think about what I want to do in the future – little things like, what would I furnish my apartment with? Where do I want to live? What am I going to do on the weekends? Where am I going to gym? It’s weird because now, those questions aren’t so much fantasies anymore, but actual planning.
I don’t have to worry about health insurance … I don’t have to feel guilty when I spend money … I don’t have to care about my GPA ever again. It feels quite good, especially a month before finals.
Random. My dad called to tell me I got a letter from Haas saying I got scholarship money in the middle of my senior year. He can’t read English well, and I can’t understand what he says most of the time, but from what I could make out, apparently it was for “my accomplishments in Haas.” If by accomplishments they mean scoring the mean on everything I ever attempt to do, ok then. But FINE I will add this to the short, very short list of the benefits of Haas.
Since my mom doesn’t trust the internet and refused to use EFT, the money is actually waiting for me in check form in some university office. So I just have to get it and then … SHOPPING SPREE! Oh wow, a week later, it just dawned on me how much money this is. This like like 40 pairs of jeans … or maybe more realistically, 5 pairs of jeans, 4 Cal sweatshirts, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 weeks worth of business clothes, and a shit ton of Yogurtland, Gypsys, and Cancun.
2. Priority registration
It is pretty awesome that some people have to sign up for a class in Phase 1 of telebears and still be put on the waiting list, but I can sign up for a class a few weeks before school starts, and I’m automatically in the class. I think this is my most conceited reason, but feel free to correct me.
3. Free Top Dog, free beer
They have free food from time to time, actual food, not just cookies and cups of water. The events are supposedly so we can meet the dean and offer suggestions. I have no idea who the dean is. But thanks for the chicken apple sausage, sir.
4. Cushioned seats and electrical outlets
Sometimes it’s more of a hindrance to learning than a benefit, but god damn, those upholstered, cushioned seats are great for my tush. I’m reminded of Haas money every time I have to wriggle around some tiny wooden desk/chair for non-business classes.
Other than that … nothing. I realized that I could have taken a completely different major and my group of friends would not have changed. I did not meet a single one of my better friends through Haas. If anything, I have met the majority of people I dislike in college through Haas.
Once I was waiting to talk to my audit professor during office hours. He was talking to someone else, and since the door was open, I could hear their entire conversation. She was worried about recruting, he asked “are you in Haas?” she said “no,” he responded “oh you know what that doesn’t even matter, honestly. It really doesn’t mean that much.” When it was my turn, he asked me if I was in Haas, I said yes, he said “that’s great! It helps, it definitely helps. It puts you one inch above the rest.” Um, ok. Honestly, I think that in the battle between a Haas and non-Haas applicant, given the same GPA and similar coursework, the non-Haas applicant is going to get the job. Because at least that applicant hasn’t lost all their reading, science, and mathematical knowledge, and replaced them with the ability to do 3rd grade math and copy off posted hw answers on Thursday night.
I went to the gym at night today. Whenever I used to exercise, I would always think to myself “ok … you’re alone in your thoughts. Now prepare interview responses.” Now that interviews are over, it’s a bit disconcerting how empty my thoughts are. Well today, all of my thoughts were spent fantasizing about cursing out and punching the fucking idiot girl who insisted on using an elliptical that made horrible metal screeching sounds whenever it went up and down. It is pretty clear that every single person was eyeing her and wanted to say something, but we would all just hope that she was getting ready to leave. It is a Friday night, when 70% of the ellipticals are free, but she would NOT MOVE. She was studying a textbook. Bullshit. A) I have tried studying on an elliptical, and I know that it is near impossible to actually concentrate unless you’re holding the paper in your hands and you don’t move your head at all. B) There is no way in hell she could have learned anything because of that FUCKING RACKET she was making. For 40 minutes (and however long she was there before I got there), every second you would hear an EEEEE ring across the entire gym. How are people in this world so stupid, I don’t understand.
I read an article a few days ago that listed the top 10 tv characters of the decade. It was not a very good list. They had Meredith Grey on it, for one, and they had KATE of Lost on it. Kate is probably one of the worst characters of the decade.
When I think about all of my favorite shows, I think the common link between them is a strong female character and a decent soundtrack. The soundtrack, I can sometimes do without if the show is really good, but if the show is neh and then they play an awesome song, that’s when I get hooked (ex. Spoon’s Don’t Make Me a Target on Chuck, Nada Surf’s Inside of Love on How I Met Your Mother). But the strong female character is crucial, because the alternative is whining women and the douche male characters who cause them to whine. It’s probably the reason why I never finished watching all of Felicity – everyone is just SO ANNOYING.
So my favorite tv character … not my favorite actor because I’ve already done that list before … I bet none of you guys can guess it.
No really, guess.
Ok fine I’ll tell you. Otherwise this entire entry would be pointless.
My FAVORRRITTEEEE tv character of all time is Emily Gilmore. I bet you expected someone super hot with a crazy body. Maybe back in the day she did, I don’t know. I love to replay a lot of Gilmore Girls scenes, and it’s usually because everyone acts so well and on top of well-written dialogue, you can see so many emotions on their faces in a split second. Emily is my favorite because she embodies something that is possibly the #1 thing I respect, which is knowing what to do in social situations … basically being “well-bred.” I disagree with many of her opinions, such as a woman’s job is to help her husband, but as a tv character, she is pretty bomb. And there are those rare moments when her opinions happen to coincide with Lorelai’s, and those are always the most heartwarming scenes.
I can’t find my favorite scenes with her, which are usually the ones where you can see her sum up a situation in a second and disapproval spreads across her face but she still stays proper and polite. OH, OR when she yells at people. This one is ok though.
I feel like Frances L might have guessed the closest if she had said Lucille of Arrested Development. I LOVE outrageously opinionated women who drink too much and say ridiculous things.
They cut it off prematurely and missed the shot of her slumped in the chair. 😦 My favorite scene of her is when Michael tries to check her into rehab and she’s like “THIS ISN’T A SPA!!!” and runs out. LOVEEEEEE
I think … two devestatingly gorgeous people on tv who sometimes distract me from the actual scene because I’m just staring at my computer …
Scott Speedman of Felicity and Yvonne Stahovski of Chuck
No explanation necessary
And I realized this after reading a lot of ONTD posts … I wouldn’t have thought about it otherwise … I think my favorite reality star is actually LAUREN CONRAD. Isn’t that terrible – my favorite reality star is someone from The Hills! No apologies. Watching Laguna Beach in the present is interesting because you know what happens five years later, and each time I rewatch an episode, I like LC more. Even when she’s just sitting quietly on the beach, I’m like “AWWW I LIKE HER!” Her scenes are relatively boring, but it’s because she doesn’t stir up fake drama like Kristin or Heidi. And she stays classy in interviews when people ask her leading questions about her enemies. Finally, she has a dog named Chloe Conrad-Bosworth and I think that is hilarious.
That is all for television.
Now that recruiting season is dying down and the first wave of midterms passed a week ago … I suddenly feel VERY LONELY. The past few days in particular. I noticed that I find a lot more people attractive in one of my classes … I think it is my lonely goggles taking effect (instead of beer goggles). Also, for the third time this semester, someone has addressed me by my first name, and I’m always taken very aback like “who?! Who knows me?! How do people in Haas know me when I don’t say anything to anyone?” I think something more useful than gaydar would be friendar. Something that tells me how much a person wants to befriend me.
Edit: why I need new friends
aznwalmartgurl8: im going to safeway in 09 minutes
aznwalmartgurl8: you odnt have to
aznwalmartgurl8: but it doesnt seem like you’re doing much
nsaynemothballs: i’m tracking the vball game!
nsaynemothballs: we’re losing
aznwalmartgurl8: by tracking
aznwalmartgurl8: do you mean you are able to watch it
aznwalmartgurl8: or you’re watching the score
nsaynemothballs: i’m watching the score
aznwalmartgurl8: so you’re not going to come with me
aznwalmartgurl8: because you’d rather stare at numbers
Listening to: The Jayhawks – Blue
I wanted to do this on my actual 21st birthday, but at the time I only had four things I could think of. Then birthday week started and I was concentrating on enjoying life. My life seems so boring now, compared to the festivities of last week. This week is interview week. Both weeks are similar in that I eat unhealthily and I don’t work out very much. Preparing for interviews is so mind-exhausting – having to think about what you’ve accomplished in life, what you learned from them, what you want to do in the future … and then there’s so many emotions like stress, brief moments of relief or happiness, and then paralyzing fear
My good friend Kristen D is leaving for Australia next week! Sadness. I know she will be returning to SF by fall 2010, which is why I am not crying on the floor. We hugged on Dwight and Telegraph and I jokingly said “give me some words of wisdom!” And without missing a beat she said something like “good luck on your interviews! You’re going to do fine. If it doesn’t work out, don’t take it personally. But if it does work out, then you should take it personally. And you are going to make friends because you actually talk to people and most people don’t talk to others. And really, everyone is looking for a friend.” I don’t know how she’s able to just whip out something like that, but thank you.
Here’s a few things I’ve learned in life. They seem pretty obvious now, so I guess that means I learned them real well. I wish my last one were more clever, but I need to go swim now.
1. Make your own opinion about people, don’t just blindly accept what others think
2. Nothing’s guaranteed
3. Right for gas, left for brake
4. Debits on the left, credits on the right
5. Successful people aren’t necessarily the smartest or the nicest
6. Brand names are sometimes worth the extra amount that you pay
7. Good fashion and nice makeup gets you pretty far in this world
8. North is not necessarily where the mountains are (that only works in LA county)
9. Once you wave hello to someone walking towards you on the street, you don’t have to say hello again when you pass them. Instead, just pretend like you don’t see them
10. Some clothing brands simply do not make clothes that fit well on me
11. If I piss off my mom, her cooling off period is a night’s sleep
12. No matter how much I exercise or how little I eat, my boobs will prevent me from being a size 0 or 2
13. I’m much more transparent than I would like to think
14. Work isn’t meant to be fun. Work is work.
15. If you don’t like how things are going, complain once. If you still don’t like how things are going, do something about it
16. Good cooking is just time and patience
17. I’m not naturally smart, but I’m study smart, although that’s not currently working out too well for me either
18. I can eat whatever I want for two days and look ok, but on the third day, my stomach explodes into one giant belly
19. Clean pool water really shouldn’t be salty-tasting or cloudy-looking. Spieker pool is cleanest Thursday-Saturday
20. You can’t please everyone
21. You don’t get anywhere by admiring someone from afar. You actually have to talk to them
I’m constantly on the lookout for:
– a new blog to follow. You’d think that it would be easy to find blogs to read on the internet, but it’s actually very difficult to find ones that I enjoy reading. I just don’t know how to search for them. There are certainly thousands of blogs somewhere out there that are the type I’m looking for … I just can’t get to them. I have a strange love for blogs by parents with young kids. I like food blogs, but only if they have lots of pictures AND stories about themselves/the food. I’d like to find blogs written by auditors. I like blogs written by people in their late 20s or 30s, so I can insert myself into their interesting lives.
– a song to put on repeat. I want MORE MUSIC!!! I’m in a music rut. I’m currently in an oldies phase, listening to a pandora station set to The Beatles – Let It Be. I did not realize so many songs I enjoy are actually covers. Makes me feel ignorant. I wish I had more hip-hop/dance music to listen to as I run. And I wish I had more indie folk music, for when I sit in my room on overcast days. And more oldies, just so I feel more knowledgeable. It seems like a sin that I can’t recognize Bohemian Rhapsody.
– the perfect pair of sunglasses. I’m willing to drop a pretty large sum if I ever find the right pair. I love dark lenses and narrow frames, as opposed to the giant bug-eyed ones that are currently in fashion. Maybe I just want to look sporty. I think I would want a pair of Maui Jim’s, but I’ve literally tried on every single pair in stock at the Sunglasses Hut in SF and I didn’t like any of them. I always feel very self-conscious in a sunglasses store. It’s like walking into a car dealership – they are totally judging you and deciding whether it’s worth the effort to speak to you. The time I tried on every single pair was when I went shopping alone and bought two pairs of boots, so the two giant shopping bags I was carrying was like validation for stepping into the store.
– someone to love me. HAHA Someone who would marathon tv shows with me while sharing a pint of ice cream with me. (Speaking of which, I just ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s in two sittings over four hours. Where is my self control?) This is not the only or the most important thing I would want to do, but I don’t feel like listing all of them out right now.
– ingredients to add to salads. I never remember to do this, but I always intend to write down the salad descriptions on restaurant menus, so I can just recreate them myself. I’m also on the lookout for the perfect salad dressing recipe.
Things I’ve found and am convinced a lifetime of searching would find nothing superior:
Toothpaste: Crest with Scope
Naked Juice Flavor: Green Machine
Gum: Eclipse Peppermint
Pizza: Little Star Pizza
Body Lotion: Keri
Having nearly no friends in Berkeley leaves me with more time on my hands than I know what to do with. I manage to complete all my homework and readings over the weekend. Sometimes it spills over to Monday, but I essentially have nothing to do Tuesday-Thursday. I just finished applying to all the jobs I’m interested in, so now it’s the waiting period before inevitable rejection. I actually need to exercise more – I’ve been slacking off this month. But by slacking off I mean I only exercise once a day instead of twice. The thing is that now I exercise so early in the morning that by 11:00am I feel like I didn’t even do anything. Also, I’ve been scarfing down Trader Joe’s shortbread cookies and Tofuttis these past few days, so any exercise for the past three weeks was negated. ALSO, last exercise complaint, but I’ve started to run very moderately, so at the end my heart isn’t even beating that quickly even though I run 3 miles. So I guess I have to speed it up. I think my biggest problem with exercise is that I’ll always drop off and do everything at a steady pace, which doesn’t help me lose the fat as much. I just don’t like to push myself.
I keep trying to think of things I should be doing but I can never think of what they are. I end up just feeling stressed for no good reason. Over the summer, I made a list of ways I want to live my life this semester. I’ll dig it up after I pull myself off the ground.
Generally, I feel totally ok with not making friends. I can last another week, then it’s birthday weekend. The euphoria from that will probably last me two weeks … then I can go visit people again … then it’ll be Thanksgiving … then I’ll be studying for finals … and then the semester will be over! So really, not that hard to stay happy this semester without friends.
But then I watched a random episode of Friday Night Lights and for some reason the character interactions made me feel lonely. I’m in college! What a waste of a semester. I’m sure that’s what I’ll think in the future. But in the present, I’m content. The only reason I sometimes become discontent is because I think I’m going to look back and be unhappy in the future. What twisted logic.
Watching Friday Night Lights also inspired me to do another picture list. These are a handful of guys I find myself staring at. Supposedly, these people are really hot male celebrities. But I have literally just full on stared at these guys on my laptop screen, trying to see them through the general public eye, and I really don’t get it.
1. Zac Efron
Pretty good picture huh? Ok … I’m starting to understand his appeal more. He has nice forearms and a surprisingly buff body. But this is his current look; I really don’t get how he was so popular with his High School Musical look. Also, why haven’t pictures of him and a secret gay lover popped up?! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who thinks he is gay. It’s like he’s a shade of purple and I’m saying “does ANYONE see what I’m seeing?!” and no one responds.
2. Robert Pattinson
I’m quite certain that I have never seen an image of him that made me think “oh, I guess he is quite handsome,” because if I had, I would have remembered that moment. Is it a you have to see him in real life sort of thing? Whenever people see him in person, they ALWAYS say “he is even more gorgeous in real life!” I thought dirtiness would be more unappealing close up. I’d imagine the smell’s more potent.
3. Taylor Kitsch
The guy who inspired this post. Everyone who reviews Friday Night Lights seem to agree that he is really good looking, but I honestly DO NOT GET IT. Isn’t his hair rather thin? And his features oddly unproportional?
4) Shia LeBouf
Having never watched him in an interview or a movie, I think he looks SUPER ANNOYING. He annoys me the same way Matthew Broderick does. They both just look like such wimpy guys. I don’t understand how he became so famous. Who are his fans? Do I have to watch Transformers to understand? Because I don’t get why people like Megan Fox either.
There are a number of other male celebrities whose appeal I don’t understand, including but not limited to Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Jude Law and George Clooney. But my apathy for these people is so great that I don’t even want to bother looking for pictures of them. Also, I’m tired, it’s 1:30 am, and this entry is rather long.
Great. Now I have four pictures of people I do not think are hot saved on my computer. Random.
It’s time for a list. Can you guess what I should be doing instead?
B) Writing cover letters
C) Reading for class
D) All of the above
I think I’m a pretty logical person. I deal with a lot of my emotions logically. Rationally, realistically, cynically, I guess they’re all synonyms. It seems like people like to come for me for advice when they want to hear something along the lines of “just do it. Open your eyes, this is the real world. Who cares if you/someone else will feel bad.” (I think I give great advice btw. I’ve learned all my social skills from watching WB as a kid and I’ve learned what NOT to do by watching The Hills.)
Anyway, these are some random things I REALLY, TRULY believe in, even if there is absolutely no rationale behind it. It just feels so right.
1) There are spirits among us
I don’t think there are spirits everywhere. Just the places where they have business to take care of. Like, I wouldn’t believe that there is a spirit living in my apartment. I have yet to see the signs. But if someone said to me, “that place is DEFINITELY haunted,” I’d believe them. I have heard several ghost stories, and the storyteller would always be SO CERTAIN and their reasoning for why the spirit was haunting around seemed pretty reasonable … so why not.
2) My dreams come true sometimes
Not anymore because I don’t think I dream as much. Well, this morning I dreamed that Owen was driving a truck and Frances L and I were sitting in the truck bed for some reason. I don’t think that would come true though – why would Owen ever drive a truck? But I SWEAR I get deja vu sometimes and I’m like “I DREAMED THIS WOULD HAPPEN.” I’m still waiting for my dream of the TMV girls sitting around some house in Taiwan and Regina telling us she’s pregnant to come true. (I think I dreamed that sophomore year – I wonder who is going to drag me into Taiwan).
3) That’s a sign!
I bet most people don’t believe in fate, but most people believe in signs. That makes no sense, right? If there were signs for something, that must mean you were fated to do it. I’m sure people use “signs” as an excuse to do or not do something. I used to say “that’s a sign I shouldn’t exercise!” a lot. I don’t as much anymore.
4) My iPod knows what I want
Well, it did before I updated it after getting my new laptop. Now it doesn’t ever play what I want anymore. Withholding bitch. But BEFORE, it seemed to always know what song I wanted to play next. Sometimes it would know before I knew, and I’d be like YEAH. I DID want to listen to this song! Thanks, iPod! I actually read a book about the history of the iPod, and there was a section where the author talked about this. Lots of people are always so certain that their iPod knows what they want to listen to but all of us are just liars/crazy. I don’t care. MY IPOD KNOWS.
5) We are not the only living creatures in the universe
This seems pretty obvious. How likely is it that we are THE ONLY planet that just HAPPENS to have life on it? I don’t believe that they’re hiding from us or banning us from some Intergalatic Council because we’re dangerous. We’re just in different galaxies. We don’t have to go looking for them though.
I try not to read comments on the stupid celebrity gossip sites I visit, because they usually infuriate me. There is always someone out there who just HAS to bitch about something or make a stupid comment. I love decoding acronyms, but even I can’t figure out what most of the acronyms mean anymore. I finally cracked and looked up IAWTC and IKR on urbandictionary. I thought it was “I am with that comment” and “I Kan Relate” but it’s actually “I agree with that comment” and “I Know Right.” My definitions still have the sentiment.
There are some hilarious comments out there though, particularly the macros and the self-created videos. Whoever makes these and the GIFs is awesome. I want to be your friend. My favorite…
… and this video