Listening to: Ratatat – Swisha
Reading (but actually finished): The Victoria’s Secret Catalog Never Stops Coming
I did very little today, but there are still a few accomplishments. I co-signed on a new car, so in a few months my credit score will shoot up. I made a phone call and now I am approved to sit for the CPA exam. Which means … studying must begin. Oh dear. Where should I study? The obvious answer is the public library. I would love to just sit in a cafe and study, but 1) it’s expensive 2) I don’t even like coffee or tea 3) I will end up people-watching far more than study and 4) I’d have to drive north into white-r areas to find coffee shops.
I also read a book in a day. A very short book, but still an entire book! After watching so much Grey’s Anatomy, I was kind of in the mood for something besides What to Eat, which is actually a very interesting and informative read so far. I picked this short memoir about someone who is a breast cancer survivor. She just one day felt like there was something wrong with her body, got a mammogram, and found out she had breast cancer. Her purpose for writing the book was to bring awareness to breast cancer, and it does a good job of it. I want to read more medical memoirs because I realized that I know very, very little about what it’s like to live with a debilitating illness.
Maybe it was an unintended consequence of reading the book, but it also made me really think about how I’m not a very good friend. The author first started thinking she should get checked for breast cancer after her high school friend found out she had it. She immediately called her friend when she heard the news. When the author finds out she has it, tons of people call her too. When it gets worse, people help her out, cook meals, run errands. It made me think, would I have called? How much of my time would I give? The answer in my mind is optimistic but experience says differently. If something bad happens, I usually ask myself whether I’m someone the person typically goes to for support. If I’m not, which I’m usually not because I don’t think I’m anyone’s “‘person,” I don’t say anything unless spoken to about it. But I guess this book made me realize, you don’t have to be someone’s person, support comes from anywhere and it doesn’t matter who gives it.
I wonder, am I just not empathetic, or am I socially ungraceful, or am I simply too insecure in my abilities to comfort someone? None of these are a good excuse to be a crap friend anyway. There should be no excuse for being a crap friend. Whenever someone has told me about their problems, I feel like I just bombard them with questions about what happened so I can understand what happened, or I listen to them and as I respond I’m thinking in my head “oh god the words coming out of my mouth are so meaningless and unhelpful.” Maybe it’s because I’ve watched so much television, where people always know the exact thing to say, whether it’s an apology, a profession of love, a sympathetic gesture, whatever. But I guess those scenes are constructed by a group of writers who rewrite, rewrite and rewrite. And I am just me.
There are so many other reasons I make a bad friend. But listing them will only make them even more apparent so I will keep these to myself and hope I can improve in the future.
On another note, it seems that I started craigslisting way too late so I probably won’t live in SD until May, if at all. I wonder what my reasoning was for not craigslisting sooner. Stupid. Someone responded to my e-mail in all caps and used YOUR instead of YOU’RE. Also did LOL! at the end. I shouldn’t judge … but I’m not desperate enough to respond.
I really think that I would be completely fine with not fulfilling my surfing dream, IF I instead use the two months between now and the roadtrip to get a SUPER CRAZY TONED body. OR if I traveled with someone to somewhere outside of the US.