I’ve reached the top of the hill

I’m 21! Thought I’d be thinner by this age.

Day 0 (Sept 27): Spent my entire weekend studying. I almost got run over (ok not really, but for the sake of this blog, let’s say that I did) and as I walked away, I realized that if I had died, four hours before my 21st birthday, I would have spent the last weekend of my life alone in my apartment. Just me and my tax book. Death and taxes. HAHA I just realized that I am talking about death on my 21st birthday post. Soo Jin is right – my blog is dark.

Frances C called me on the phone to say happy birthday. Four minutes early, to beat the rush. I told her that no one calls anymore, people just facebook. It’s solid evidence that I have friends. About a minute after I said that no one would be calling, I got a call from some random number. I don’t know how to switch calls, so I didn’t pick up. The number called back again, and it was some guy. The only male I assume would call me is Johnston, not that he does, but I just didn’t think that any of my guy friends would. I was super confused for ten seconds, then things got MORE CONFUSING because at that moment, Paulo walked in with a slice of tiramisu he had bought. I am great at multi-tasking, but it is impossible for me to handle two conversations at the same time. It just becomes super awkward for everyone involved and hilarious for anyone watching.

The guy calling was Eric! I may be getting this wrong because I was so confused at the moment, but I think our convo was like Wait who is this?” “Can you guess?” “uhhhhhhhh wait give me some hints” “We’ve known each other for years … we’ve cooked dinner for each other” “What? Dinner? Ok let me guess uhhhhh no I can’t figure it out who is this. I’m so sorry!” “Uhhhh this is Eric…” “Eric?” “…. Leung ….” “Eric Leung? ……… OH MY GOD HI I’M SO SORRY”

Then I ate my tiramisu with Paulo. Yum yum ❤ He had melted Hershey’s Kisses and used a bag as a pipette to spell out words on the plate. We don’t have birthday candles, so he put a scented candle on the plate instead. By the time I got off the phone with Eric, it had melted around my cake. I still ate the cake though. There were a few bites where I was like “mmm this tastes like clean.”

Day 1 (Sept 28): Woke up, went running. Three miles! But now I can’t freaking walk! My foot is messed up – I assume it will go away by tomorrow. My tax midterm was today. For the amount of effort I put into studying, I am REALLY PISSED that I got at least one problem wrong. It is really infuriating because the solution was posted and I had looked at it and understood it! But when I did it on the exam, I didn’t bother figuring out why the number seemed different. I am really mad about it, and it makes me not even want to study for my accounting midterm.

But yup. I bought IB Hoagies for myself for lunch, partly because I have absolutely no more food in this apartment and partly because IT’S MY BIRTHDAY so I’ll do what I want. For dinner I went to Angeline’s with my underage group of friends. I did not drink any alcohol today. HAHA I went to Trader Joe’s, and I realized that I can actually buy alcohol now. Weird. I can add an aisle to my grocery shopping route. Kristen was like “you should pick up a bottle of Charles Shaw” and I said “I still have the one you gave me! If I got another one, I’d have TWO bottles. I’d be such an alcoholic.”

I feel super fat already, and I am breaking out. WTF. Need to get it together! Good thing Safeway ran out of Ben & Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Cookie, or else I’d be all over that right now.

STUDY TIME! I’ll add to this post as the week goes on. There will be six days. STAY TUNED. For my super long xanga-like post.

Day 2 (Sept. 29): I woke up “late” today. Except now, “late” is waking up at 7:20 instead of 7:00 And anything less than a 3mi run is a weak workout. I was looking at my wall-to-wall with Chrystal, and I once wrote to her “i woke up at 6:30 today. HAHA can you imagine if i woke up at 6:30 everyday and went running.”

I ditched my first class of senior year today. Supposedly to study hardcore for tomorrow’s midterm. Instead I ended up watching forty minutes of Drop Dead Gorgeous. That movie is like Cruel Intentions, but no one really knows it, whereas EVERYONE knows Cruel Intentions. It’s a movie from the late 90s, and you wouldn’t have guessed it when it came out, but now most of the actors are famous.

Alvin came by and gave me a birthday gift! 🙂 Then I went swimming and then we met up again to eat Gypsys. While swimming, I had pictured myself eating the spaghetti, but when I got there, I decided on the calzone. That seems to happen a lot. I ate the entire thing. That also seems to happen a lot. I feel pretty gross right now. Also, I’m really tired, but I should be doing my practice exam.

I’m going to be so fat by Thursday. But this eating frenzy is not stopping any time soon. Korean BBQ and FRUIT TART (OMGGGGG I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT) with Li-Ting and Lucy tomorrow. And probably the rest of the fruit tart on Thursday night. No, let’s be realistic. Thursday morning.

Day 3 (Sept. 30): I had my accounting midterm today. I made educated guesses on three problems and I’m prettyyyyy sure I got them right. But I also realized I had done the written problem wrong, which made me kind of mad. I think I’ve been getting really worked up over these grades because I have NOTHING ELSE going on in my life. In other semesters, I’d figure that I was bound to get some problems wrong, so I would go out and not study to my maximum. But now all I ever do is read and study and restudy! So getting things wrong is inexcusable!

Finally I went grocery shopping today at 99Ranch. I have had nothing to eat since Sunday. To the point where I ate sausages that had been in an open package since July, and I was heating pita bread to eat with peanut butter. Compared to what Lucy bought though, my groceries are so pathetic. They’ll last me at most five days of meals … she has like three weeks of meals. And they’re all very Chinese-ish foods, the kind people buy when they actually know how to cook. I have … tuna sashimi, two heads of lettuce, some fruit, tofu. Pretty sad.

Li-Ting took us to a Korean restaurant in the plaza. We each got a dish, but I think we could have gotten full just ordering one. Well, now I have two extra meals. SADLY Shing Kee ran out of FRUIT TART!!! *cries* That was the food I was most excited to eat. It’s ok though, I’m actually not too torn up over it. HAHA We got a green tea/red bean cake instead – it doesn’t live up to fruit tart, but we are all ridiculously full by the time we got to dessert.

Also, Jon bought me a cake! He went home yesterday and came back today around 5 and he had brought this giant ass cake with him all the way from Oakland. It made me feel special 😀

I’m exhausted, but I suspect part of my exhaustion is really just food coma.

I’m currently in love with the song Empire State of Mind. I want to buy a plane ticket to NY, just so I can walk around the city bopping my head to this song.

Day 4 (Oct. 1): I didn’t do anything special today, besides eat my cake for two meals. I suddenly have a TON of things to do in a very short amount of time. STRESS. Also, FAT! All those days of eating and not exercising as much has caught up to me. What a terrible time to look bad. There’s not much to say about today.

Oh! I got a haircut. I never ever like my haircuts, I’ve realized. Whenever I ask for bangs, I hate them. I need to stop providing pictures of Jordana Brewster as an example of the hairstyle I like. Either my hairdresser is seeing it differently from how I see it, or they seem to think I want to look SUPER CHINESE. BOO.

There is a lyric in Empire State of Mind that I thought was “MD&A got you feeling like a champion” and I was like Management’s Discussion and Analysis? It is actually MDMA, which is code for ecstasy.

Day 5 (Oct 2): Wow. It’s weird how something just a couple of hours ago feels like it was so long ago. Yesterday, I actually went to all three of my discussion sections. It was really sad because for one of my sections, I’ve only gone once so when I got to Haas, I realized I had no idea what room it was held in. I had to go to the library and look it up on the schedule of classes. The first half of yesterday was incredibly depressing to me – I got the EFFING MEAN in tax. I studied for that class at like … Math 1a/Stat21/Astro10 levels. AND I GOT THE MEAN. GARGHHH.

So classes ended around 3:00 and then I went home and continued to clean the apt. I am always heavily disturbed when I spray cleaner on the kitchen counter tile and after I scrub, the grout actually gets cleaner. It’s nice to know that it’s cleaner … but it’s incredibly disgusting to know that there was that layer of filth in the first place. I went to the bart station at 6:00 to wait for Henry and Frances L to show up. EEEEEE! They came 45 minutes later than I expected HAHA because they had gotten on the wrong bart. Then we walked back to my place! WHAT FUN! It was Frances’ first time here in Berkeley

They were both starving, which I had expected, so I took them to House of Curries. They really liked it! I of course ordered palak paneer and they chose ghobi chicken, which turned out to be really good. I was not expecting to be full, but I ate way beyond my limit. Then we got ready to go to SF – I had told them we were going to lounges and Henry brought a dress shirt and black trousers and of course Frances brought a cute outfit. I put on my outfit … and we were all like OH GOD Mel is way underdressed/Frances is way better dressed. It took five total wardrobe changes to get us … closer to the same level. Then Jackie came and picked us up … and we laughed about how the four of us were dressed for COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. I had my Cleopatra black top, Frances had on a leather jacket and leather boots, Henry had his nice dress shirt, and Jackie had on a earrings, shirt, vest, and coat.

Drove to Soo Jin’s (THANKS for letting us all crash your place!!!) and then THE MEETING OF FRIENDS BEGAN. High school vs. college – who will prevail?! Just kidding. Soo Jin, Laura and Albert had gone to pick up LITTLE STAR PIZZA and PYRAMID’S apricot ale! YUM YUM. Laura had remembered that I don’t like beer because I think it’s empty calories, but I said I wanted it because it pairs better with pizza. IT WAS A PERFECT CHOICE YUM YUM. 🙂 Then Andria/Christina’s car arrived around 10? I feel like whenever I see Andria and Christina, time hasn’t passed at all, and it’s just another regular get together, when they are actually all the way in socal!

After some dawdling, we set off for bars in the Marina. We decided on this because the range of dress was WAYYY wide and we didn’t know if we would be allowed into certain places. SAD. I spent three hours yesterday night researching! I had narrowed my desired places to Vesuvio, Rye, Solstice, Olive, and Cantina. We ended up going to Matrix and Circa. We took … wow did we take four different cabs? We would have fit in three. Henry, Frances, Jackie and I took the first one, so when we got there we just stood on a corner and took in the scene. VERY few Asians. The Marina is a more yuppie-ish place. I have never been in such a large crowd of white people ages 20-30 on the prowl. It was VERY city-like. Guy-wise, Henry was in the upper spectrum of dress while the girls were way lower in our jeans. HAHA

MY FIRST ENTRY INTO a 21+ place, using my REAL identity! HAHA My throat is really hoarse from yelling at people all night. THEY PLAYED POKERFACE at my request! YEAH YEAH. I would have also requested Taylor Swift, but I don’t think the DJ could make that into a techno beat. I really enjoyed Matrix – I couldn’t tell if other people were somewhat bored though. WELL Laura got my my first drink!!! Oh god, what was it? OH a Lemon drop! They put salt on the rim, I thought that was weird. Then TMVers got me a Sex on the Beach and Soo Jin/Janie got me something like cranberry with vodka. Then I had sips of people’s amaretto sours, midori sours, and something else. WHEEE.

OH GOD. This guy who I think is 7 years older than me came and sat in our group and I talked to him. To me, it’s like “oh! Someone wants to be my friend!” He started the conversation with “so are you guys Japanese?” FAIL. I am not too offended by comments like these … I asked him what type of white he is. HAHAHA I could see Laura and Andria laughing at me. He was like “what do you mean what kind of white?” And I was like “you can’t just be WHITE. WHAT ARE YOU? POLISH? GERMAN?” After some talk I was like er I want to go back to talking to my friends but I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of people. So after he said something, I was like “… OK.” and he was kind enough to get the hint and we said our goodbyes. Andria found my way of getting rid of him pretty hilarious. HAHA

What else … well we left that bar and walked to Circa. But once we sat down in Circa, I was like OK I AM ABOUT TO PASS OUT. So we didn’t stay very long and decided to go home. We toyed with the idea of walking 1.2 mi back to Soo Jin’s, but after walking up two CRAZY HILLS, once we saw a cab I was like CABCABCAB!!! I made it without barfing. I promptly passed out on the ground, then I was later awakened and realized everyone had arrived! Then I threw up in toilet – surprisingly VERY LITTLE considering how much I ate! Laura said I was a completely different person after I threw up – no longer sleepy and confused! But we went home … and now SATURDAY HAS BEGUN! I had expected to go home around midnight … we freaking got home at 3am! THANKS SO MUCH to Jackie who drove us! I think I was asleep the second we drove off of Pine.

We went to bed around 3:30 and I woke up around 7:00. I’m going to die today.

THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! Yes, I don’t often remember what I did on my past birthdays, but seriously, thanks to EVERYONE WHO IS CELEBRATING WITH ME. I still can’t believe that I have friends who would drive up 8 hours to see me, pay for plane tickets, or muster up the energy after a long workweek to play with me!!! HEART HEART HEART!

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Day 6 (Oct 3rd): So I wrote that entry on Saturday morning. While I was typing, Henry and Frances woke up. Just like in Vegas though, when I also woke everyone up several hours too early, they decided to nap after being up for about 30 minutes. We ate some birthday cake in the morning, then Jackie picked us up and we went to Gregoire’s! It was a very filling meal and we all passed around our sandwiches to share. Mine was crazy greasy but I liked the Gruyere cheese. Then we walked to Love At First Bite and shared our cupcakes as well. I decided to branch out and try raspberry – FAIL. I should have stuck with my usual matcha green tea cupcake.

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Then I took them to Rasputin, where they looked through a ton of cds. I don’t think Frances even bothered to enter the DVD section. After Frances had spent a long time looking at the used rock section, she then realized she hadn’t even touched the indie or new rock section. I chose that moment to go back home. HAHA It is exhausting in that store, if you don’t actually plan on buying anything. On the way back to my apartment, I saw Andria, who was dropping things off in her car. Plans were to go to Bear’s Lair at 2, but it was 1:50 and I wanted to nap, so we napped. Things were seeming to fall apart, because most of the people I had expected to watch the game said they weren’t coming.

BUT I think the theme of this weekend is: everything works out in the end! We went to Bear’s Lair at 3:30 – me, Henry, Frances, Andria, Kristen and Anu. It was packed but not hard to get in. And within a few minutes, we had ordered drinks. I usually go to bars with Kristen and she usually orders hefe, and since I was underage at the time, I would order the same to not seem so inexperienced with alcohol. But now, I don’t drink anything except hefe – I wonder if there is something else I would enjoy more. Well, kickoff was at 5, so we stood around for a long time. THEN YAYYYYY Laura and Robin arrived! Happiness. Chrystal also dropped by but only for a few minutes before leaving to watch the game in the stadium. We found seats at the outside patio, where some USC guys started being rowdy with Kristen and Anu. Kristen’s hair is a magnet for men. Shiny objects attract. And Anu is just fun. She never ever drinks but most people think she HAS to be drunk, because most people aren’t as outgoing as she is unless they have been liquored up.

So the game began! Henry and Frances left to rest and tour the campus. Sad! They did not get to hear people yell at the tv screens. Well, at least they also didn’t witness our TERRIBLE TERRIBLE LOSS. It was pretty bad.

Half-time, we walked to Triple Rock. It wasn’t as packed as Bear’s Lair, but there also weren’t any tables available. We got lucky scoring one table, but we had like 15 people coming, and our table seated four. Slowly and painfully, we got enough seats, even though most people were sharing. GOOD FOOD THOUGH, right? I heart Triple Rock atmosphere and food and drinks. Got the Bruschetta Rock and we shared garlic fries. Drinking a small pint of beer at Bear’s Lair made me not want to drink anymore. We ate, confirmed our devestating loss, then my brain hurt from trying to figure out how to get from Triple Rock to Ici. Three cars drove, and Kristen walked with Emily. Guess who got there first? HAHA We made it to Ici in time though, despite heavy traffic.

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EARL GREY!!! Yum. I think Lucy got the same. Henry somehow convinced Frances to get VANILLA. Connie L expressed appropriate outrage on the phone when I told her. I did not eat a bombe or an ice cream sandwich. Two years ago, I think I had planned on buying a bombe for 1) when I get a job offer and 2) on my 21st birthday. But honestly, none of the bombes sound like flavors I would like. And it’s like eating art – they’re so beautifully made. I’d rather just happily eat a scoop of misshaped basil or tea-flavored ice cream. Drove back to my place, for some KARAOKE/sake bombs!!! I love sake bombs – they are instant fun. BUT we had to choose between either karaoking or sake bombing. Apparently the sushi place decided to cap its fun level, because they don’t allow people to do both. Well, we chose sake bombs. We took four. It was a huge mess under our table. I had a lot of fun, but watching the videos make me think I have to be drunk to think the videos are funny. I find my voice incredibly grating to hear. It’s like listening to a retarded cartoon character speak.

Anyway! Sake bombs! I would have preferred to stop at three but then the chef taught us what the actual chant is, so we had to take the final fourth one. First chant: “HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAKE SAKE BOMB!” Thanks Kristen. Second chant: MEL MEL MEL MELMELMELMELMEL!!! Third chant: sake sake sake sake BOMB! Clearly we were running out of ideas. My favorite would have been saying RADA RADA RADA, after Rockin’ Rada Brooks, accounting professor extraordinare. Is someone going to google “rada brooks” and stumble upon my blog? Chef guy taught us the chant is really ichi ni san, sake sake sake bomb! So now we know, although I enjoyed making our own chants more.

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Finally left. That part is a blur. Soo Jin’s friends dropped by, and I started sleeping on Andria. Then I got shaken awake and decided I wanted to throw up. Laura went with me, and at first I was walking at a normal speed, then as we got closer I was like OK, LET’S TAKE LONGER STEPS. Threw up – then walked out a few steps before deciding I would throw up some more. Honestly, I do think I throw up quite elegantly. Never a mess on the seat, always quick and easy. THEN we left – thank you to people who paid! I’m sorry we have spent so much money this past weekend! I’ll make it up to you guys when I have a job 😀

Walked back to my place where I went straight to Jon’s bed and fell asleep. HAHA I think Laura told me to sleep on my bed, and after throwing up a little the third time, she tucked me into bed. AWWW just like when I slept over at their apartment last semester. The last thing I remember is Laura getting me a cup of water and putting a kleenex over it so it wouldn’t get dusty. And a mixing bowl for me to throw up in. I’m sorry for not saying goodnight to everyone! I hope people had fun…

Additonal commentary: it’s funny how at Ici, to make conversation people would bring up what they knew about each other from my blog and AIM info. I’m pretty sure this is the first time college friends met TMV friends. I noticed that when a new person is introduced to TMV, our general consensus is “I’m sure he/she is nice … but they’re really quiet … I guess I would be too if I entered a big group of friends who know each other.” So we’re usually the ones judging other people, but this time, Henry, Frances and Jackie were outnumbered so they were much quieter. HAHA I am not particularly good at mixing friends, but I hope everyone enjoyed each other! Also, it seems that there is a dislike for my new blog, and how its web address is so long. SHOULD I SWITCH BACK? Do I even write at all differently from how I wrote on blogger? 😦 This must be how the person who changed SciFi channel to SyFy felt.

Day 7 (Oct 4): Eek! Frances and Henry left very early in the morning 😦 Everyone who visited was here for a very short amount of time, but we did a LOT I think. THANKS EVERYONE for my awesome weekend! It’s not even over yet. Well, Jackie came and we got Noah’s bagels since it is too early to have a real meal. I’m sorry that was the last thing you guys ate in Berkeley. We drove to Oakland airport … I heart meeting up with friends at the airport, but dropping people off at the airport is so DEPRESSING. One of the sadder aspects of adulthood! The drive back is always so wistful. They should have landed back in SD by now. I kind of wanted to be like “I’M GOING TO BUY A PLANE TICKET TOO! Screw school!” but I have interviews. HAHA Now Thanksgiving feels so far away…

This day isn’t over yet but I will end this blog since I consider my birthday celebration over. Well … I don’t really know what to say. Everyone has made me feel really special and loved this week. I’m glad I have so many great friends who care about me. That is all. I don’t want to sound too mushy.

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One day this will be us! If I ever get married. Ok, one day, I will be one of the people NOT in the white dress! That’s more realistic.

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All By Myself

I love that scene.

Eek! This is the first weekend I’ve spent alone since school started. If I didn’t have to study for two midterms, I would have gone to SF again. I wonder what they are doing right now … having fun … WITHOUT ME. Sitting around Soo Jin’s large and relatively unfurnished living room … or drinking … maybe both at the same time … *CRIES*

My consolation is that next week is going to be AWESOME. Thanks in advance to everyone who is coming to Berkeley for me! I heart you all.

Paulo and Jon went back home too. I was in the apartment alone for four hours before I realized Jon was not sleeping in his bed, and had already left. Yesterday we went to the Big Spike, which is the Cal vs. Stanford volleyball game. It was INTENSE. After watching so many dramatic sports movies and not enough actual sports games, I always think that no matter how far behind a team is, the underdog can still win. Even today, 42-3 Oregon, I’m like “WELL. IT’S POSSIBLE. Something could happen in the last two minutes…”

Living with Paulo and Jon is really fun. Paulo cooks meat about three times a day (no joke, I don’t understand how he is not obese), and it smells so delicious. I don’t eat very much meat anymore, but just watching him cook it is enough to satisfy me. Jon never eats,

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which is good for me because then I’m not as easily tempted to say “HEY LET’S GO OUT TO EAT.”

Also, I’ve had Jon try on two of my jeans. The first time, I don’t even know why it happened but suddenly he was wearing my flare jeans and we were both laughing our asses off. The second time, I wanted to see if he thought my new jeans were baggy. New diet check: if we wear the same jean size, I will be happy with my weight. The flaw to this plan is that even though my jeans are slightly baggy for him at the waist, the thighs are SUPER tight on him; as in I thought he was going to tear apart the seams.

I don’t know what it is about having an apartment all to myself, but not having someone around makes me want to do whatever I want. No authorities! Even though we wouldn’t be in the same room anyway, somehow, knowing that they aren’t here makes me just want to EAT SO MANY THINGS. There are no eyes watching! I can eat a dozen donuts and no one will ever know! When I lived in the dorms with Chrystal, I wouldn’t eat very much. But for some bizarre reason when she left I’d be like “HMMM HAAGEN DAZS TIME.” One of my favorite memories is when she came back from somewhere and I was sitting in my chair watching tv and eating out of a pint. She looked at me and went “WHAT THE FUCK?! Why do you always eat ice cream when I leave?!” When I’m at home, I just snack constantly while my parents are at work. How dangerous – I need constant supervision. Apparently I need society to judge me so I don’t eat.

But yeah – having an apartment all to myself. I just want to blast my music and sing along to random songs. Run around the apartment. And watch tons of shows. While eating endlessly. Oh, the single life.

I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I’m eating an ungodly amount of peanut butter lately. I used to hate the idea of putting peanut butter on apples, because it completely negates the point of eating fruit. But now, I am totally eating apples solely for the purpose of eating peanut butter. And then twenty minutes later, I’m still eating peanut butter, only this time, OUT OF THE JAR. WITH MY FINGERRRRR. I’ve eaten four pieces of bread with peanut butter today. And it’s a huge amount of peanut butter on each slice. I could have done the same amount of damage to my body if I had eaten something actually substantial. Like a chicken schwarma, mmmmmm. Damn you peanut butter! Once I finish this damn jar, I think I am seriously going to never buy peanut butter again. It is clearly something I can not be trusted with.

Table for One

Good god, I hope it never comes to that. No, I didn’t eat out alone. But yesterday night after I went swimming, I got take-out. ALONE. OH GOD.

1) I should have made a salad for myself, but at lap 60, I was thinking “hmmm I want to try out D’Yar sometime and see how their chicken schwarma compares to Oasis Grill” and by lap 80 I was thinking “I want to stop swimming so I can eat that damn schwarma” and at lap 100 I was thinking “OK. GO HOME. GET MONEY. EAT SCHWARMA” so it would have been pretty impossible for me to happily eat a salad

2) I have a very strict DO NOT EAT OUT ALONE rule. Part of it is because I’m cheap, and if I were to allow myself to eat anywhere at anytime, I would be so poor since I live in Berkeley. The other part is that my family didn’t really eat out when I was growing up, so I kind of view restaurants as a social event. Why eat there alone when you could go there with FRIENDS next time and have a conversation!

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I can’t recall the last time I went out to eat alone. Actually this is traceable. The last time was 1/22/09 when I bought a Top Dog for myself after the Big4 Forum. That doesn’t count as a meal. I think the last time was sophomore year when I decided to eat a lasagna at Gypsy’s for lunch. I never ate Gypsy lasagnas after that. I was too traumatized. (Just kidding, I just like the calzones much better)

I need to make friends. IMMEDIATELY! It’s the 5th week of school! I can rationalize this: first week, most people don’t talk to each other. Second week, people still don’t talk to each other. Third week, was Labor Day so I didn’t feel like it. Fourth week, I had canker sores, which makes me incapable of talking normally. Fifth week, in progress, headed towards FAIL.

My weekends are not that lonely, which makes this semester more bearable. But if I had people to hang out with during the week, school would go by much faster.

The only good thing to come out of my loner-ness is that I’ve spent 1/3 of what I usually spend on food. Go me.

Searching

I’m constantly on the lookout for:

a new blog to follow. You’d think that it would be easy to find blogs to read on the internet, but it’s actually very difficult to find ones that I enjoy reading. I just don’t know how to search for them. There are certainly thousands of blogs somewhere out there that are the type I’m looking for … I just can’t get to them. I have a strange love for blogs by parents with young kids. I like food blogs, but only if they have lots of pictures AND stories about themselves/the food. I’d like to find blogs written by auditors. I like blogs written by people in their late 20s or 30s, so I can insert myself into their interesting lives.

a song to put on repeat. I want MORE MUSIC!!! I’m in a music rut. I’m currently in an oldies phase, listening to a pandora station set to The Beatles – Let It Be. I did not realize so many songs I enjoy are actually covers. Makes me feel ignorant. I wish I had more hip-hop/dance music to listen to as I run. And I wish I had more indie folk music, for when I sit in my room on overcast days. And more oldies, just so I feel more knowledgeable. It seems like a sin that I can’t recognize Bohemian Rhapsody.

the perfect pair of sunglasses. I’m willing to drop a pretty large sum if  I ever find the right pair. I love dark lenses and narrow frames, as opposed to the giant bug-eyed ones that are currently in fashion. Maybe I just want to look sporty. I think I would want a pair of Maui Jim’s, but I’ve literally tried on every single pair in stock at the Sunglasses Hut in SF and I didn’t like any of them. I always feel very self-conscious in a sunglasses store. It’s like walking into a car dealership – they are totally judging you and deciding whether it’s worth the effort to speak to you. The time I tried on every single pair was when I went shopping alone and bought two pairs of boots, so the two giant shopping bags I was carrying was like validation for stepping into the store.

someone to love me. HAHA Someone who would marathon tv shows with me while sharing a pint of ice cream with me. (Speaking of which, I just ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s in two sittings over four hours. Where is my self control?) This is not the only or the most important thing I would want to do, but I don’t feel like listing all of them out right now.

ingredients to add to salads. I never remember to do this, but I always intend to write down the salad descriptions on restaurant menus, so I can just recreate them myself. I’m also on the lookout for the perfect salad dressing recipe.

Things I’ve found and am convinced a lifetime of searching would find nothing superior:

Toothpaste: Crest with Scope
Naked Juice Flavor: Green Machine
Gum: Eclipse Peppermint
Pizza: Little Star Pizza
Body Lotion: Keri

Enlighten me

Having nearly no friends in Berkeley leaves me with more time on my hands than I know what to do with. I manage to complete all my homework and readings over the weekend. Sometimes it spills over to Monday, but I essentially have nothing to do Tuesday-Thursday. I just finished applying to all the jobs I’m interested in, so now it’s the waiting period before inevitable rejection. I actually need to exercise more – I’ve been slacking off this month. But by slacking off I mean I only exercise once a day instead of twice. The thing is that now I exercise so early in the morning that by 11:00am I feel like I didn’t even do anything. Also, I’ve been scarfing down Trader Joe’s shortbread cookies and Tofuttis these past few days, so any exercise for the past three weeks was negated. ALSO, last exercise complaint, but I’ve started to run very moderately, so at the end my heart isn’t even beating that quickly even though I run 3 miles. So I guess I have to speed it up. I think my biggest problem with exercise is that I’ll always drop off and do everything at a steady pace, which doesn’t help me lose the fat as much. I just don’t like to push myself.

I keep trying to think of things I should be doing but I can never think of what they are. I end up just feeling stressed for no good reason. Over the summer, I made a list of ways I want to live my life this semester. I’ll dig it up after I pull myself off the ground.

Generally, I feel totally ok with not making friends. I can last another week, then it’s birthday weekend. The euphoria from that will probably last me two weeks … then I can go visit people again … then it’ll be Thanksgiving … then I’ll be studying for finals … and then the semester will be over! So really, not that hard to stay happy this semester without friends.

But then I watched a random episode of Friday Night Lights and for some reason the character interactions made me feel lonely. I’m in college! What a waste of a semester. I’m sure that’s what I’ll think in the future. But in the present, I’m content. The only reason I sometimes become discontent is because I think I’m going to look back and be unhappy in the future. What twisted logic.

Watching Friday Night Lights also inspired me to do another picture list. These are a handful of guys I find myself staring at. Supposedly, these people are really hot male celebrities. But I have literally just full on stared at these guys on my laptop screen, trying to see them through the general public eye, and I really don’t get it.

1. Zac Efron

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Pretty good picture huh? Ok … I’m starting to understand his appeal more. He has nice forearms and a surprisingly buff body. But this is his current look; I really don’t get how he was so popular with his High School Musical look. Also, why haven’t pictures of him and a secret gay lover popped up?! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who thinks he is gay. It’s like he’s a shade of purple and I’m saying “does ANYONE see what I’m seeing?!” and no one responds.

2. Robert Pattinson

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I’m quite certain that I have never seen an image of him that made me think “oh, I guess he is quite handsome,” because if I had, I would have remembered that moment. Is it a you have to see him in real life sort of thing? Whenever people see him in person, they ALWAYS say “he is even more gorgeous in real life!” I thought dirtiness would be more unappealing close up. I’d imagine the smell’s more potent.

3. Taylor Kitsch

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The guy who inspired this post. Everyone who reviews Friday Night Lights seem to agree that he is really good looking, but I honestly DO NOT GET IT. Isn’t his hair rather thin? And his features oddly unproportional?

4) Shia LeBouf

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Having never watched him in an interview or a movie, I think he looks SUPER ANNOYING. He annoys me the same way Matthew Broderick does. They both just look like such wimpy guys. I don’t understand how he became so famous. Who are his fans? Do I have to watch Transformers to understand? Because I don’t get why people like Megan Fox either.

There are a number of other male celebrities whose appeal I don’t understand, including but not limited to Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Jude Law and George Clooney. But my apathy for these people is so great that I don’t even want to bother looking for pictures of them. Also, I’m tired, it’s 1:30 am, and this entry is rather long.

Great. Now I have four pictures of people I do not think are hot saved on my computer. Random.

Don’t Stop Believing!

It’s  time for a list. Can you guess what I should be doing instead?

A) Exercising
B) Writing cover letters
C) Reading for class
D) All of the above

I think I’m a pretty logical person. I deal with a lot of my emotions logically. Rationally, realistically, cynically, I guess they’re all synonyms. It seems like people like to come for me for advice when they want to hear something along the lines of “just do it. Open your eyes, this is the real world. Who cares if you/someone else will feel bad.” (I think I give great advice btw. I’ve learned all my social skills from watching WB as a kid and I’ve learned what NOT to do by watching The Hills.)

Anyway, these are some random things I REALLY, TRULY believe in, even if there is absolutely no rationale behind it. It just feels so right.

1) There are spirits among us

I don’t think there are spirits everywhere. Just the places where they have business to take care of. Like, I wouldn’t believe that there is a spirit living in my apartment. I have yet to see the signs. But if someone said to me, “that place is DEFINITELY haunted,” I’d believe them. I have heard several ghost stories, and the storyteller would always be SO CERTAIN and their reasoning for why the spirit was haunting around seemed pretty reasonable … so why not.

2) My dreams come true sometimes

Not anymore because I don’t think I dream as much. Well, this morning I dreamed that Owen was driving a truck and Frances L and I were sitting in the truck bed for some reason. I don’t think that would come true though – why would Owen ever drive a truck? But I SWEAR I get deja vu sometimes and I’m like “I DREAMED THIS WOULD HAPPEN.” I’m still waiting for my dream of the TMV girls sitting around some house in Taiwan and Regina telling us she’s pregnant to come true. (I think I dreamed that sophomore year – I wonder who is going to drag me into Taiwan).

3) That’s a sign!

I bet most people don’t believe in fate, but most people believe in signs. That makes no sense, right? If there were signs for something, that must mean you were fated to do it. I’m sure people use “signs” as an excuse to do or not do something. I used to say “that’s a sign I shouldn’t exercise!” a lot. I don’t as much anymore.

4) My iPod knows what I want

Well, it did before I updated it after getting my new laptop. Now it doesn’t ever play what I want anymore. Withholding bitch. But BEFORE, it seemed to always know what song I wanted to play next. Sometimes it would know before I knew, and I’d be like YEAH. I DID want to listen to this song! Thanks, iPod! I actually read a book about the history of the iPod, and there was a section where the author talked about this. Lots of people are always so certain that their iPod knows what they want to listen to but all of us are just liars/crazy. I don’t care. MY IPOD KNOWS.

5) We are not the only living creatures in the universe

This seems pretty obvious. How likely is it that we are THE ONLY planet that just HAPPENS to have life on it? I don’t believe that they’re hiding from us or banning us from some Intergalatic Council because we’re dangerous. We’re just in different galaxies. We don’t have to go looking for them though.

That’s all.

I try not to read comments on the stupid celebrity gossip sites I visit, because they usually infuriate me. There is always someone out there who just HAS to bitch about something or make a stupid comment. I love decoding acronyms, but even I can’t figure out what most of the acronyms mean anymore. I finally cracked and looked up IAWTC and IKR on urbandictionary. I thought it was “I am with that comment” and “I Kan Relate” but it’s actually “I agree with that comment” and “I Know Right.” My definitions still have the sentiment.

There are some hilarious comments out there though, particularly the macros and the self-created videos. Whoever makes these and the GIFs is awesome. I want to be your friend. My favorite…

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… and this video

Rainy Days

It’s always very dark in my room when I wake up, which makes it impossible for me to figure out what time it is and whether I should be waking up or not. I never remember to put up my curtains before I go to bed. Now I understand why automatic blinds would be so convenient. I like waking up early. I can watch four episodes of Greek, go to the gym, shower, and it’s still only 1pm.

2281976518_9f62874f69I was watching Greek in bed when I thought I heard water running – turns out, it was RAIN! RAINNNNN how I love you. I love opening my window when it’s raining. The air is refreshing and raindrops on pavement is a comforting sound. I’m searching for a good rainy day playlist on imeem. But there are very few good mellow ones (why someone thought Imma Flirt fit well on a rainy day mix, I’ll never understand) and the few I find are too short, which means I’m constantly being drawn back to my laptop for distractions.

I think I’m officially over the last crush I had. It’s strangely more lonely to be crushless than it is to be obsessing over someone. I’m sure I’ll have a new crush in no time. That’s just how I roll.

I’m hungry but I have so many canker sores that I would rather just keep my mouth closed than have to experience the pain of putting food in it. I made green bean soup yesterday – so easy. Well, it’s not nearly as sweet as the way my mom makes it, but I always thought that the sugar overpowered the supposed benefits of eating beans. I even bought a bag of sugar from Trader Joe’s – organic evaporated cane juice. It was the only sugar they had that wasn’t powdered or brown. Why can’t they just have normal sugar? This one is off-color and comes in abnormally large particles, which I do not appreciate.

I started off the school year quite well, but then Labor Day Weekend rolled around and now I can’t concentrate at all. I’m incapable of sitting down and reading a chapter straight through! Not a good time to be slacking off.

* Yesterday I went to a volleyball game with Jon and friends. I brought along a notepad with the intention of writing out potential interview responses. Shouldn’t have bothered – I feel too self-conscious that someone is going to read over my shoulder, plus, volleyball is very distracting. Jon gave me back my notepad and I didn’t look at it until just now.

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I think I’m all set for interviews.

Ingredients to a Salad

I now have a large tupperware bowl that I can toss my salad around in before eating it. No more overflowing lettuce falling off my plate, no more dressing-less salads! I want to invent my own salad dressings, but I am not one to experiment with ingredients. I am very much a “if this is how it’s done, that’s the only way I’m going to do it” kind of person. Today I mixed basalmic vinegar, olive oil, and honey together. It tasted all right. Not amazing, but at least now I don’t feel like I can pick out the subtle differences between romaine lettuce and red leaf lettuce.

My salad is basically what I remember from a Cafe Intermezzo salad. I have red leaf lettuce, romaine lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, alfafa sprouts, tofu, feta cheese and almonds. THE CRUCIAL INGREDIENTS to make me actually ENJOY it: tofu and almonds. I’m going to add garbanzo beans to it next time. I don’t know what else goes into a delicious salad. What else do people put in salads?

End my day with Greek

I’m currently watching the season 1 finale of Greek (5 days, 22 episodes watched and 24 episodes left). The title of it is “Spring Broke” and it just made me realize, I HAVE NEVER HAD A “COLLEGE SPRING BREAK” experience! I’ve never done a road trip to drink my insides out in Mexico or some other warm location of hedonism. Assuming I graduate this semester, I guess I never will…

Greek is really good. Is there an ABC Family show I WON’T watch? I guess I wouldn’t watch Kyle XY. But maybe I would in a weak moment. I’m surprised that they let so many jokes and story plots go through, especially on ABC Family. I wouldn’t have understood most of the jokes when I was 17! But it is legitimately funny and the storylines are paced very well. And in my opinion, it’s a pretty accurate representation of college/life.

Now I know, my days should end at 9pm. After swimming, I seriously don’t have the energy to read more than a page in my textbook. I also lose all self control and find myself eating peanut butter out of the jar. 😦 New schedule: do all work during the day before 7:30, watch all tv shows after swimming. Sleep early. Which probably means my day is going to start at 5am or something…

Ok, last five minutes of this episode. I wonder what I will do once I finish this series. I hope I don’t start watching The Secret Life of an American Teenager. I think I’m just using this show as a mindblock from career fairs and job searches. In previous years I would use my swimming time to think about what I would say in an interview or how to write a paper or what I’d write for my Haas application. Now I can’t even bring myself to think about things – it seems so useless. Every day I just say “tomorrow!” But soon there will be no more tomorrows.

Yay! Paulo says he will cook delicious spaghetti for us on Friday. I love his spaghetti – it’s some Filipino recipe. Have to remember to buy bread and onions. Also, we are planning to go to the Castro this year for Halloween. I was saying how I never did anything special for Halloween in college, and it’s one of those things you have to do in college, otherwise it’s just sad. So that’s another to do for this year.

Goals for this semester:
Actually, I won’t be writing this because I’ve looked at my previous goals and most of them are unfulfilled. I’m probably cursing myself by writing them out.

The episode ended. SO GOOD! In the sense that it wasn’t filled with stupid drama. Any other show would end its season with people sleeping around with everyone and escalating drama – but this one was good. Tied up some plot lines and solidified relationships. I love it!

Also, no one gave me a topic! You guys lost your chance – I would have written about anything! To some degree of honesty.