Holding a conversation

I woke up this morning with the usual thoughts – what time is it? my eyes are so dry. should I get up now before someone else does? And then I remembered a conversation I had yesterday and then wondered WHY AM I SO AWKWARD? And that thought has been on my mind all day. I am not very good at making friends on my own. Most of my friends are people I met through prior friends, and people don’t really talk to me until the nth time I see them. I have no problem starting conversations with people, but they don’t usually go anywhere. I realized they don’t go anywhere because I just say awkward shit!

It seems improper to curse on wordpress. Anyway…

I’m constantly mulling over conversations I have with people and usually an hour later, I think !!! THAT’S what I should have said … For instance, yesterday’s conversation should have gone like this:

“Hey aren’t you friends with _____”
“Oh yeah! How is she doing?”

… and conversation moves on


“Hey aren’t you friends with _____”
“Oh … yeah! I mean we’re not FRIEND friends. We’re like … acquaintance friends. Like we know each other. But we don’t really talk to each other. Yeah. But yeah I know her”

… and I eventually walked away without saying goodbye.

I make myself sad.